Dear Abby: Fifteen years ago, after six years of marriage, my husband and I moved 3,000 miles away from everyone we knew. I wasn't in favor of moving, and I never felt at home in my new city, but I tried to make the most of it. We had been struggling financially due to the recession and a large mortgage. I met some nice people, but only had one real friend. We'll call that person “Gail.”
Three years ago, I convinced my husband that we should move somewhere else so we could retire and have more financial security. I made a compromise, but it's still far from home. I have tried very hard to stay connected to Gail. When I contact her, she replies, usually in just a few sentences, complaining about her situation. She never contacts me, asks about me, and doesn't try to expand the conversation.
I know from experience that Gail is not happy. And I'm worried that she's drinking too much. It's sad that she doesn't seem to want to stay connected, but it's painful that she keeps reaching out and doesn't get much back. I'm tired of trying, but I don't know if I should tell her how I feel or give up. Please let me know. –– lonely and far from home
Dear Lonely: Some relationships change depending on the situation. Gail can't do all the work of maintaining a long-distance friendship if she's not willing to put in the effort. All you get is more frustration.
You mentioned your original hometown twice in your letter, but if you visited there you might find that your old friends have moved on with their lives and that the times you longed for cannot be recreated. yeah. That's why it may be time to focus your energy on starting a new activity in a new community. New relationships and maybe new friendships may emerge from this.
Dear Abby: I have one sister and three half-sisters, and I love them all. Recently, two of my nieces, daughters of one of my half-sisters, gave birth within a few months of each other. They both decided to name their baby after their grandparents. One of them was named after my father-in-law, and I was disappointed because I didn't love or respect him. In fact, I hate him.
My stepfather was an alcoholic who sexually abused my sister and physically abused me when we were young. Yet he loved and protected his daughters, my half-sisters. I don't think my nieces know this. My stepfather died before my nieces were born, so they never knew him.
I really can't stand calling my baby by his first name. I kept this to myself until my sister noticed that I was avoiding using the baby's name and shared her exact feelings. If she noticed, maybe her half-sisters noticed too.
I don't want this to cause family strife, but I literally start shaking when I hear someone use that name. When my father-in-law passed away, I thought he would be gone forever. How should my sister and I deal with this? Can I create my own nickname? Now we both just refer to our baby as “baby”. — People who hate the Midwest's bad name
Dear name haters: Yes, you certainly can and you can tell your half-sister or niece why. Try to rise above it and get through this. If you and your sister have not received counseling for the abuse you suffered from your late stepfather, it may be helpful.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
