Dear Abby: My husband and I have four children, so we have a lot of plans to make and keep.
We both have full-time jobs, so we divide responsibilities by category. I see a pediatrician and he does orthodontics and dentistry.
This is fine for me, but for some reason these agencies are stubbornly reluctant to communicate with him as a parent.
No matter who is listed as the contact person, they always call me, the mother.
Dentists are especially bad. My husband is listed as the primary contact. It is he who takes all the appointments and takes the children.
My name is only listed as an emergency contact, but I get a call for every reminder or schedule change. If I don't respond, they keep emailing me.
One time, my husband arrived late for work, so he called me and yelled at me for being late. I said I didn't know what they expected from me about his tardiness. (I was out of state on a business trip that day.)
We have explained many times that he is the one who needs to talk to them and that I am not involved in these appointments. I've even had my kids leave notes in their records, but they still call me first.
Do you have any suggestions on how to overcome this bias (which doesn't include me taking over the entire family calendar)? — ignored in Delaware
Dear ignored: I certainly think so. It seems like someone at this dental office is tone deaf.
Rather than discussing this (again) with the hospital staff, you or your husband should complain directly to the dentist.
Let them know that this is a recurring mistake and if it happens again you will be taking your business elsewhere. Then follow through.
Dear Abby: My 58-year-old husband is an alcoholic, but he's not mean. Where once it was all about parties, everyday life now consists of playing games on the computer and going out to friends' houses for drinks.
He has lost a lot of weight. He used to like going somewhere, but not now. Both my children and grandchildren noticed the changes.
I don't know what's going on and I'm at a loss. Doctors say he's fine, but he's not. What can you do now? — Running out of ideas in Texas
Dear Ones: Your husband may need a second opinion about his health.
He may not have any physical problems (yet), but he seems to have a lot of problems mentally.
He may be suffering from depression. Neurological or psychological evaluation may be necessary.
Something caused the change in his behavior, but no one can solve what's wrong until they figure out the cause.
You may gain insight by attending Al-Anon meetings and discussing this with others in your position. It can be found at al-anon.org/info.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
