Dear Abby: I am a gay man who lives primarily in a straight community. About a year ago, a married couple moved. One day my husband came to me and asked me to help him put together the table. He opened a bottle of wine and thanked me. He then asked me what would turn me on. I thought the question was unusual, but I didn't refrain – I showed him.
We've met many more since then, but now we feel we're thinking about telling his wife. I think she deserves to know that her husband is gay and may be sleeping with other men. He used some “gay languages.”
We heard other neighbors talk badly about gays, but he didn't defend or take up for us. That also confuses me. what do i do? They live down some doors and when I see him and his wife it's uncomfortable. She is always waving and a sweet woman. – Rethinking in Florida
Dear Rethinking: Your mistake involved a married man. You may feel “used,” but don't forget that you eagerly entered the event. I don't think you should be the person who tells his wife that her husband might be gay. (He could be bisexual.) If she doesn't know yet, the person who delivers that Tidbit should be her husband. As for you, it's time to come out of the picture, right?
Dear Abby: I am a 47-year-old woman who passed the exam in her early 30s. I understand that most women pay to look 15 years younger than their age, but people often make annoying assumptions about me and speak up.
Despite my two masters degrees and the business I started in three locations, I didn't feel that people were taking me seriously. For years I have suffered from a constant, insensitive barrage of questions and assumptions about my reproductive state. I've become quite adept at rebutting “When are you planning on having a child?” “My husband and I are dog parents who enjoy going on adventures, as God did not give me that superpower.”
I'm currently experiencing menopause. Despite taking medications to control my symptoms, I often suffer from hot flashes at work while meeting customers. He has a paper fan on his desk, and when he grabs it and suddenly starts incite it to a red, sweaty face, it gives the customer a funny look.
I usually smile and ask for a bit to recover from hot flashes, but I am inevitably told that I am “too young” to experience hot flashes. If only that was true. My instinct is to slyly refute, “Well, my doctor would oppose it,” but that's not friendly. What would you recommend as a proper response? – Young Usch from Missouri
Dear Young Usch: If you say you're too young to experience menopause, try it instead of groaning smile And then, “Tell me that to my doctor!”, convey the message without conflict.
People with PS may not know that menopause is known to attack women younger than you.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Please contact dear Abby http://www.dearabby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
