Otto, 52
For the first time, we openly discussed our likes and dislikes.
Maeve and I see eye to eye on sexual desire. Sex doesn’t always occupy my thoughts; it’s something I need to actively engage with, and, honestly, that’s taken some time to develop.
When we first got together nearly 27 years ago, our sex life was thrilling and spontaneous—not to mention a bit outdoorsy. But there wasn’t much communication about it; we just didn’t talk. My upbringing was in a household where sex was a taboo. It was a bit stiff, really.
As I approached my 50s, our intimate life dwindled to maybe once every few months. We were still happy, but I’d say that was a low period. My desire had pretty much vanished; we preferred to binge-watch Netflix instead. Whenever we did attempt intimacy, I struggled with erectile issues, which was frustrating. Thankfully, Maeve was quite understanding.
Eventually, I thought I might just never be sexually active again, which felt pretty bleak. So I decided to take a closer look at the situation. We sought help from a couple’s counselor and a sex therapist. They suggested various techniques, like mutual massages and just spending quality time together. Discussing intimacy opened new avenues for us—I began to realize how turned on I could get from simply talking about sex.
Initially, our conversations were quite practical, almost like, “Do you enjoy this?” It was challenging to navigate those discussions at first, but now we’ve become much more open. We started crafting erotic stories for each other, which has been a fun and revealing way to express our desires. For instance, I’ve created a humorous tale involving a woman in a VW van, and surprisingly, it resonated.
When I was younger, I thought being in a long relationship would inevitably lead to a dull sex life. Yet now, as we age, I’m continuously thrilled to see what we learn about one another. We’ve upped our intimacy to about twice a week, which feels substantial by our standards.
Maeve, 54
It felt isolating. When so much time passes without sex, you really lose a layer of intimacy.
When I first met Otto, he had this compelling physical appeal. Our chemistry was immediate, and we both felt a strong sexual connection right from the start.
Of course, life with kids and work changes things, and there was a point a few years ago when we were both just drained. We might have had sex only every three months. Sometimes, when we got close, Otto struggled to maintain an erection. I found myself hesitating to initiate intimacy since I didn’t want to add pressure on him.
Experiencing menopause also complicated things; that made me feel less desirable. Losing that sexual spark felt lonely because intimacy is about more than just sex; it can lead to two people cohabitating without true connection.
Once Otto began treatment, we decided to see a sex therapist together. Sharing such intimate details felt daunting, but if something’s worth fixing, you have to put in the effort. Surprisingly, it became enlightening. Many of our assumptions became clearer, like how I thought Otto wasn’t fond of oral sex, while he believed the opposite.
The therapist prompted us to explore our sexual fantasies. I had shared one on a Valentine’s card years ago without getting a response, so she assigned Otto some “homework” to write down his thoughts. It turned out to be quite successful.
Now we craft erotic stories and act out those fantasies. This has injected excitement into our intimacy and made everything feel fresh and spontaneous. It’s wonderful, and I feel incredibly close to Otto at this point.
