Dear Abby: I work full-time and generally feel healthy. My son, Brian, who is married with three kids, can be pretty rude to me. I raised him as a single mother and believed I did a decent job. His wife seems to take offense at nearly everything I say and frequently finds fault with my actions. They often choose to spend time with her family instead of including me.
Whenever I mention something about Brian’s wife, he gets defensive and accuses me of being hurtful. I’ve supported both of them as best as I could, but it seems that doesn’t matter to them. Brian and I sometimes touch on this issue, and I might get a bit carried away, insisting he understand what’s behind his behavior. He never explains his actions. They don’t visit or bring the kids over, citing busyness, yet they somehow manage to find time for her family and cousins.
Should I let go of the hope for a relationship with them? I love my son and want to be involved in his life, but it feels wrong that I have to accept his constant criticism. When I try to talk openly with his wife, she claims I’m starting conflict. I really need some advice. – I’m saddened in Georgia
Dear Grief: I’ll do my best. Take charge of your life and stop seeking scraps of attention from your son and his wife! Continuing on this path only leads to more hurt and disappointment. Remember, you’ve done your best as a parent amid challenging circumstances.
It seems your daughter-in-law has some influence over your son, and unfortunately, that’s not uncommon. When you engage with them, try to focus on anything positive rather than just the conflicts. Redirect your energy toward friendships and other fulfilling aspects of your life. This could prevent further sadness and prove to be far more rewarding than butting heads with them.
Dear Abby: I’m a 14-year-old girl, and at school, there are some really unpleasant girls. When I interact with them, they often say hurtful things. I struggle to come up with a good comeback, so I usually just stand there silently. I keep telling adults, but the behavior persists. How can I make them stop for good, and do you have any comebacks I could use? – Idaho’s speechless state
Dear Words: Unfortunately, you can’t force a bully to change their ways; that’s simply who they are. I wouldn’t advise sinking to their level to retaliate, as that would allow them to win. Instead, try distancing yourself from them and seek friendships with other girls who are kind.
Dear Abby was created by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and her mother, Pauline Phillips. For more information, contact Dear Abby at http://www.dearabby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
