Dear Abby: I’m the youngest of four sisters, and I lost one of them, Rachel, to cancer a few years back. It was tough for our family, you know? My sisters and I felt like we were the “failures” because the other two married well. Rachel often skipped family gatherings, which was hard for me to understand, but now I feel the same way about attending.
When my sisters visit, it feels increasingly strained for me. They seem unaware of how hard things are for us, even though we’re all working really hard with kids and everything. It feels like they expect us to drop everything when they come around. I’m not sure how to address this. Any advice? – Florida’s “failure”
Dear “fail”: It sounds like your “successful” sisters are a bit insensitive. Next time you get a last-minute invitation, maybe you could calmly explain how your lives differ from theirs and how that affects your schedule. Let them know how much preparation you need. (Honestly, why would you want to be around people who make you feel like you’re “less”?
Dear Abby: I’ve been divorced for a decade now and remarried about nine years ago. I have four daughters, ages 24 to 37. Since the divorce, my ex has been emotionally holding my daughters captive, painting me as the bad guy, which has strained our relationship. My daughters seem to believe her narrative, so it’s been tough for me to reintegrate into their lives.
My current wife gets frustrated when my daughters don’t reach out for significant events like birthdays or holidays. It makes her anxious because she expects her kids to call me for those occasions. Should I just accept the status quo and wait for my daughters to see me differently, or do we need to have a tough talk that might make things worse? – If I’m doing it or not, I’ll be cursed.
Dear Damned: I’m not sure why your marriage ended, but your daughters are grown now. A conversation with each of them might be beneficial.
If you approach them by acknowledging that not everything turns out the way we want and you’re still with their mother, it might soften your message. If your ex has accused you of infidelity, you’re allowed to defend yourself, as long as you don’t attack her character—though it seems that might have happened already.
