Dear Abby

I’ve been married for 22 years. Things were pretty good for a long time, but over the last 12 years, my wife has changed. There’s no love or affection anymore, and it feels like we’re just roommates. She attributes this change to past abuse she suffered as a child. Our intimacy has really dwindled over the last decade.

I proposed counseling, but she won’t consider it. So, I’m left wondering: should I stay or go? I’m 64 and this is my second marriage. I’m not keen on trying again. – Hungry for Indiana

Dear Hungry: Have you asked your wife if she’s sought counseling for her past abuse? If she has, maybe she needs more help.

If she hasn’t, make it clear that you can’t live without love and human connection. Express that you won’t settle for this situation indefinitely. Offer her a choice: get counseling to work through her issues or face the prospect of divorce. You might feel hesitant about starting over, but you might need to consider it.

Dear Abby: I brought my dad home to care for him as he has dementia. My husband also has mental health issues, and tensions are always high in our household. My brothers promised to help, but they’re hardly available. They might take him for a few hours, but that’s it. I love my dad, yet I feel guilty about wanting more support. Should I feel this way? After all, they’re his children too. – Mandatory in Kentucky

Dear Duty: It sounds like you may have accepted this situation on your own, and it’s time to address it. You mentioned feeling guilty for wanting your brothers to help more with your father.

Drop that guilt! They are also his children and should contribute. Tell them what you need—it’s okay to ask for more time for yourself and to care for your husband, so don’t shy away from expressing that.

Dear Abby: My husband surprised me with a stunning diamond ring for our 35th anniversary. People often inquire about its cost, and I feel uneasy explaining it. I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation, yet I try to be polite.

We both work, have no debts, and don’t worry about others’ opinions. How should I respond to these questions? – Massachusetts Diamond Gal

Dear Diamond Gal: You’re absolutely right; you aren’t obliged to share your financial details. It seems people have become increasingly intrusive with their questions. If someone asks about the ring’s price or why it was so expensive, simply reply, “That’s a personal question, and I’d prefer not to discuss it.” Then, shift the conversation to something else.

Dear Abby was created by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and her mother, Pauline Phillips. For inquiries, contact Dear Abby at PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or visit Dearabby.com.