Advice Column

Dear Abby: Twenty years ago, I lost my wife, and four months back, I decided to retire at 62 to care for her. It’s been a mix of endless responsibilities and stress, but rewarding, in its own way. Recently, a long-term friend, Dina, has been visiting. Sharing my feelings of sadness with her has been nice. I often read articles about coping with loss, as it’s something I face daily.

Dina and I have started spending time together at worship services. Just to be clear, our relationship is strictly platonic; I believe intimacy is something meant for marriage. However, I’ve noticed my late wife’s family pulling back, which concerns me. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, yet some are saying it’s best to wait a year before moving on. My financial advisor mentioned that I shouldn’t make big decisions for a while. What’s this “year” they keep talking about? – Ready for Tennessee

Dear Preparation: The “year” suggestion is common, often aimed at helping widows process their grief. After losing a partner, people can feel particularly vulnerable and may jump into new connections too quickly, sometimes leading to regret. While it’s not wrong to date, your in-laws might view this as disrespectful to your late wife’s memory, especially since it seemed to begin so soon after her passing. They might not realize that your emotional journey began while you were caring for her, rather than just after her death.

Dear Abby: My brother has been with “Gayle” for 25 years, and she has distanced him from everyone, including his own family. She’s controlling about his social interactions and often makes hurtful comments. Instead of confronting the situation, our families have started drifting apart, which is especially unfortunate since they have a college-aged child who enjoys family gatherings.

Something has shifted recently, and I feel that intervention is needed. My brother has begun to develop false memories about our interactions, particularly feeling mistreated by me. How should I approach this? – Loney in New England

Dear Missing: I’m not an expert on false memories, but these do occur, especially as people age. Your brother might be showing signs of dementia, so it’s crucial he sees a doctor for a thorough evaluation. Consider discussing this with your other siblings, and if possible, approach his wife and adult children together. However, if she has worked to isolate him from you previously, it may be challenging to get through to her.