Dear Abby: I’m 38 and feel fortunate to be a grandmother for the first time. My daughter, “Robin,” is doing well but is often overwhelmed. When her partner is at work, she’s alone with the baby. It’s tough for her; I understand—having raised her and her brother on my own. Without a car, I can’t visit often, and Robin doesn’t have a license either.
I cherish each photo I receive of my grandchild. I want to remember every detail. There’s something I’ve noticed in the photos that seems a bit off; it seems like babies can have lazy eyes, perhaps? We’ve compared pictures since her birth up until ten months old, and it makes me reflect on those early days.
Robin is under a lot of stress and possibly facing postpartum depression. Should I mention it to her, or should I let her doctor bring it up? We all know that untreated postpartum issues can worsen, but I feel lost on how to approach the subject. I can already imagine her saying, “You have no idea what it’s like to raise a child!” – Concerned Grandma from Missouri
Dear Grandma: It’s crucial for your daughter to get help if she is experiencing postpartum depression. You should definitely let her know that she needs to see a doctor. It’s really important, and if there’s any concern about her baby’s eyes, the pediatrician should be the one to address it and recommend any necessary treatment.
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Dear Abby: My father divorced my mother when I was seven, and he wasn’t really an active part of our lives even before that. They married young, and it was clear they weren’t happy together. My dad was, frankly, pretty self-absorbed and moved away without offering support. As kids, we had to rely solely on our mother, who worked tirelessly to provide for us.
In some ways, his leaving was a blessing. But I don’t understand how two of my brothers can still have a relationship with him; it’s hard for me to grasp, but they seem to have made peace with it.
Now he’s 86 and back in town. It’s been reported that he only has a few months left to live. I feel conflicted and sympathetic, especially for my brothers. How can I support them, though?
I haven’t spoken to him in 40 years, and we never really discuss him. I can’t bring myself to forgive what he did to us. Yet, I want to be there for my siblings as they face this. – Sympathetic in California
Dear Sympathy: The death of a parent can evoke unexpected emotions, so it’s possible you might feel a shock when it comes. You don’t have to grieve your father to be sensitive to how your siblings are feeling. Being a good listener can often be more helpful than you might think. Just being present and offering your support when needed can go a long way.
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