Dear Abby: Recently, I found out that someone I know from community groups is married to a man on the local sex offender registry, who has children under 13. This was confirmed by others in the community. I’m concerned about what this means for his roles as a volunteer and how his presence might impact our neighborhood near the school.
I’m unsure about how to react. He seems like a nice guy, and if I had no knowledge of his background, I would have happily invited him and his wife to gatherings with my husband and friends. Since there are no kids in my house, it’s not like anyone is in immediate danger.
Should I let this information alter my perception of him? Neither he nor his wife has any idea what I know, and I don’t plan to bring it up. If I see him around children, what exactly should I do? — Concerned in Michigan
Note: Ultimately, the decision to respect or befriend this individual is yours. But if you do spot a sex offender near minors, it’s your moral duty to report it.
Dear Abby: I’m a widow, and I’ve been dating a widow for eight years now. He’s truly wonderful and I care for him deeply. Both our families have children, so we’ve been careful to maintain boundaries and avoid upsetting them.
I thought that once the kids finished high school, we might blend our lives more. However, now that they’re in college and still coming home, that seems less likely. One of his kids has even moved in with me, so any big changes feel premature.
I’m still contemplating the idea of moving in with him once the kids are on their own. His house is lovely and spacious, but it’s filled with memories of his late wife, and it just doesn’t feel like a space I can claim as my own. It’s been their family home, where they raised their daughter, and I can’t imagine it ever feeling like mine.
My place is smaller, so moving isn’t really an option for me, and I don’t think he wants to change houses either. I pondered selling our homes to buy a new one together, but his house is so nice, I’m unsure we could find something as good. What should I do? — Deciding on a Change
Dear creator: With the kids finally becoming independent, it’s crucial for you and your partner to have an open discussion about your future. Express to him that while his house is beautiful, it carries a history that concerns you. Share your worries about change and the limitations of your current home, then be sure to listen to his thoughts.
Dear Abby was founded by Abigail Van Buren, also recognized as Jeanne Phillips, and was created by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at: www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
