Commentary: The inevitable sameness of dating app profiles

Dating app discussions continue to be the most engaged content on X (formerly Twitter), and for good reason. In America, where people are becoming increasingly lonely, they find it frustrating to feel the alienness of the opposite sex, which does not alleviate their feelings of closeness. Frustration drives engagement. clearly.

A video that went viral last week featured a collection of women’s Tinder profiles, all saying essentially the same thing. “If you’re in therapy, swipe right.” As expected, particularly vicious men responded by belittling the woman in question (and women in general) as a peculiarity incapable of having anything original to say about themselves.

A mysterious account belonging to ‘Hollow Earth Turf’ responded by pointing out what the woman was seeing on the other side. This is a compatibilist expression of interbreeding potential as well. In fact, men on dating apps seem to have a habit of saying, “If you don’t want to take this seriously, swipe right.”

Men and women can tease each other all day long about stupid actions and comments one gender makes that superficially make no sense to the other gender. But a meme is always more than itself, and I don’t think these memes are shallow or stupid. Instead, they are signals that convey deep longing for a potential partner.

These longings are blocked by our cultural environment, which makes it impossible for us to express clearly what we are thinking because we are all swimming in the water without realizing it. It was. Really We want each other. This meme captures the essence of longing without complicated explanations. It resonates for a reason.

When women say they want a man who will go to therapy with them, what they are really saying is that they want a man who can exercise parental authority over them, who can express their thoughts and feelings clearly, and who can deal with their own inner turmoil. It means you want a man who can help you sort things out. In other words, they are looking for men who can provide leadership. be careful and, Special tenderness for women’s unique needs.

Sadly, this kind of frank self-possession and sensitivity is rare in modern men. And although this female admiration is almost universal and certainly primitive, the ability to resist the urge to relax and control everything is equally rare in modern women. .

When men say they want a woman who doesn’t take themselves too seriously, what they’re really saying is that they want a woman who doesn’t actively try to dominate or compete with them. Men are seeking reprieve from a cultural environment that has encouraged such things. In other words, men want women who can demonstrate certain abilities. Kindness that meets the unique needs of men: An easy relationship, maybe.

But as we have already suggested, trust between men and women is broken. Whatever we inherently desire from the opposite sex, our culture has made it impossible for them to give and for us to receive. In other words, these signals convey a deep yearning for interpersonal insights and skills that are disappearing.

A man and a woman want each other, but neither knows how to achieve it. Perhaps change begins with questioning the meme itself, along with kindness toward the opposite sex and its plight.