C.S. Lewis: From Atheism to Christianity

Before C.S. Lewis became a key figure in 20th-century Christian literature, he held strong atheistic views, often feeling suspicion, frustration, and even disdain towards religion.

To him, Christianity resembled a remnant of humanity’s early intellectual stages—a narrative meant to comfort people who struggled to cope with reality without some divine support.

Early Doubts

Lewis’s doubts took root early in life. Born into a family that identified as Christian in Belfast, his faith collapsed when his mother passed away from cancer when he was only nine.

He later reflected, “With my mother’s death, everything stable, happy, peaceful and reliable disappeared from my life,” in his memoir, Surprised by Joy.

Prayer felt pointless. If God was real, He seemed absent and indifferent. Lewis once compared this feeling to sending a letter to someone who never responds.

As he matured, his atheism grew more entrenched. Immersed in classical literature and modern rationalist thought, he began to perceive Christianity as just another myth—much like the pagan tales he valued in ancient writings, which he viewed as lacking objective truth.

During his time at Oxford, he gained a reputation among his peers as “a foul-mouthed and very funny atheist.” The trauma of World War I deepened his skepticism; after enduring trench warfare and witnessing death firsthand, he remarked, “I have never been depressed enough to pray,” and he said this with an air of grim pride.

Yet, even amid his strongest disbelief, small cracks began to show.

A Yearning for More

Lewis occasionally felt haunted by experiences that materialism couldn’t fully explain: fleeting moments of longing triggered by music, poetry, and beauty. Certain books or images stirred in him an intense desire for something beyond the everyday—almost painfully so.

“Unfulfilled desire,” he noted, “is in itself more desirable than any other satisfaction; I call it pleasure.”

If human beings were consistently yearning for something that worldly experiences couldn’t satisfy, what did that imply? Hunger pertains to food. Thirst connects to water. If reality is meaningless, why exist such deeper cravings?

Slowly, Lewis started to think his admiration for these longings wasn’t accidental. Just like hunger points to food and thirst to water, these deeper needs hinted at something fundamental within humans. He even proposed that, “If I find within myself a desire that cannot be fulfilled by the experiences of this world, the most likely explanation is that I was created for another world.”

He also acknowledged that his frustration with injustice pointed to a moral reality predating humanity.

“My argument against God was that the universe seems so cruel and unfair. But how did I come to this idea of just and unjust?”

Reluctant Acceptance

Lewis didn’t experience a sudden move from atheism to faith. He fought against it, all the while describing himself as “one of the most discouraged and reluctant converts in all England.”

He reflected, “An amiable agnostic will cheerfully discuss ‘man’s search for God.’ To me, at that time, they might have been better off talking about a mouse in search of a cat.”

Slowly, however, he began to acknowledge God. Yet, Christianity itself was still a hurdle for him.

While he adored mythology, he viewed the Gospels as just another set of myths. His perspective shifted significantly through discussions with friends, including J.R.R. Tolkien, who challenged his notion that myth and truth were opposites.

Tolkien argued that Christianity was a “true myth,” a narrative the world’s myths have pointed to, one that intersected with actual history.

Discovering Mythical Truth

This new understanding profoundly influenced Lewis.

He came to see that themes like sacrifice, death, resurrection, and salvation present in pagan mythology did not signify that Christianity was a fabrication; rather, they illustrated humanity’s long-standing reach toward a common truth.

One day, while being taken to the zoo on his brother’s motorcycle, Lewis realized the last barrier had crumbled. He noted, “When I left, I did not believe that Jesus Christ was the Son of God, but when I arrived at the zoo, I believed,” expressing his surprise with joy.

This newfound belief directed the rest of his life, as he dedicated himself to presenting Christianity in a meaningful and imaginative way to millions of readers.