Advice Column Responses

Dear Abby: I’m 56, married for 12 years, and I’m really not interested in driving an hour and a half to see my husband’s grandchildren anymore. I’ve done it plenty of times, and it’s just not for me. He keeps saying he wants to go, and he doesn’t quite get why I’m not into it. I’m perfectly fine with him heading out (in fact, I encourage him), but he seems stuck on the idea that I should come along too. Is it wrong for me to think it’s just better if I skip it? — Not a fan of kids in California

Dear Childfree: Have you thought about the possibility that your husband may not want to make that long drive alone? He might appreciate your company. Marriage often means participating in activities that aren’t your favorites, simply out of love for your partner. You don’t have to accompany him every time, but making the effort occasionally could go a long way. Try to do it with a positive attitude; it might make the experience easier for both of you.

Dear Abby: My husband is currently serving a life sentence, though there is a chance for parole. He turned himself in a year and a half ago for something that occurred 15 years prior.

Recently, I met someone new. He works with a church that helps the homeless. Right now, we have no idea where our relationship is heading. Sometimes, I feel such guilt about this situation. I really need some guidance. — Conflicted in Georgia

Dear Opponent: It might be best to have an honest conversation with your husband in prison. Let him know that living like a widow for many years may not be possible for you. Discuss how both of you envision moving forward. Keep in mind, however, that this new relationship could be brief, and there’s no certainty it will last.

Dear Abby: Our friend “Leo” is married to a woman who treats him poorly—she often puts him down regarding his finances, weight, and looks, especially in public. They’ve been married for a few years and don’t have kids. Leo is a genuinely great guy, but his mental health seems to decline daily. Should I step in and say something to him? We want him to know that if he considers divorce, we’ll support him, especially since his family is limited and his friends feel like family. — Concerned friends in Idaho

To those concerned: Since you and Leo’s other friends believe he is in an abusive situation, it’s important not to remain silent. Interventions may be necessary, along with reassurances that you all stand by him, no matter what he decides regarding his marriage.