Dear Abby: Struggles in Marriage

Dear Abby: My husband, Seth, who’s been retired for 15 years, is really challenging me. He’s often negative, abusive, and has become estranged from many friends, affecting his relationships with family too. He drinks excessively throughout the day (I drink occasionally as well), says hurtful things I never imagined I’d hear, and doesn’t respect my need for sleep since I still work. He seems to think his behavior is humorous. Being deaf, he speaks softly, which tends to escalate conflicts unnecessarily.

I have love for Seth, but I feel like he’s eroding my spirit and sense of self. I used to feel independent and capable, but now it feels like I’m always tiptoeing around him. Some days, I dread coming home. I just want an escape. What are your thoughts? — end of my rope in Idaho

Dear “The End”: Consider visiting Al-Anon’s website to find a local meeting. If the situation is dire, it’s crucial to set boundaries with your husband. Be clear—when he is somewhat sober, let him know that if he continues drinking, your marriage is on the line. Prioritize your well-being.

Dear Abby: My ex-husband and I were incredibly close—we shared everything: dreams, laughter, and struggles. I believed we would grow old together, and when he proposed, I was all in. We had plans for a family, but he wanted to wait until we bought a house. So, I waited for five years, convinced that our dream was still alive.

We eventually purchased a house, but when I brought up kids, everything changed. He revealed he didn’t want more children. My heart broke, and the life we envisioned slipped away. Not long after, he invited his family to move in with us.

While I tried to be understanding, I started feeling like an outsider in my own home. Despite his love for me, it felt like he prioritized his family over our relationship. Eventually, he decided to move out, taking his entire family with him, leaving me feeling isolated.

I’ve tried to convince myself it wasn’t really about children, but guilt lingers. I catch myself wondering if he would have stayed if I had said “no” to having kids. Even now, I still miss him and struggle to let go. How can I release someone who moved on so effortlessly? — Dreams shattered in Virginia

Dear “Dream”: Do you feel guilty for wanting children after your husband led you to believe he did for years? You have every right to feel misunderstood and abandoned. If you’re unable to move on from a fantasy instead of reality, seeking professional help might be beneficial. Letting go might mean confronting these painful truths.