Dear Abby: I’m reaching out for advice on how to support my adult children after their mother has been accused of a crime. She was arrested on charges of first-degree murder, and the victim happens to be their half-brother.
I’m particularly struggling with my daughter, who stands by her mother. After losing her brother, she expresses fear of losing her mother too. Their mother has always been critical of therapy, arguing against it and looking down on those who seek mental health help. Now, she claims not guilty by reason of insanity! How should I approach supporting my daughter during this time? — Impact management
Dear Impact Management: It’s essential to understand that no sane person would commit such a crime. Some individuals criticize mental health care due to their struggles. As distressing as this is for you, your daughter is entitled to support her mother if she chooses to. I think the best way to help her is to respect her decision, even if it’s hard for you to understand.
** ** **
Dear Abby: What’s your take on meeting a couple for lunch or dinner, only to find they’ve already started their meal before you arrive? This has happened to us multiple times, and it really puts a damper on the dinner for us. It would be different if we were late, but that hasn’t been the case. — Fuming in Texas
Dear Fuming: I personally find that behavior a bit rude. Sharing a meal starts to feel off when one group is already indulging in appetizers. Enjoying drinks or snacks ahead of time disrupts the experience for the couple arriving later. But, considering that low blood sugar can make us less patient, you might be better off nibbling on something rather than waiting around for the ritual to begin.
** ** **
Dear Abby: I’m a 48-year-old woman living with my parents, and it’s causing issues. I know I’m somewhat lazy and procrastinate a lot. My mother constantly checks in on me, and her comments hurt. Just the other night, while I was eating pork chops, she told me I was using the wrong knife and switched it for a butter knife! I lost my job, so moving isn’t a viable option right now. Her disrespect makes me feel worthless. Help! — Trapped in Long Beach
Dear Trapped: While it may seem like an unusual suggestion, consider talking to your doctor about your feelings of confusion, your procrastination, and your job loss. There could be a medical reason behind these issues, and proper treatment could be very beneficial. If it’s not medical, they might refer you to a family counselor who can help improve your living situation with your mother.
As for moving, it’s definitely an option you should consider for the future. I understand it feels out of reach right now, but focusing on that goal might help motivate you.
** ** **
Dear Abby was created by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, originally started by her mother, Pauline Phillips. For correspondence, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
