Dear Abby

Our grown daughter has kids that we cherish. She recently asked for our help by watching them occasionally, and we were more than happy to oblige. Before her newest baby arrived three months ago, we would frequently watch the kids, even having them sleep over sometimes. After the baby’s arrival, she invited us over to check in on her, which felt perfectly fine. We just wanted to ease her mind about leaving the baby.

On our first visit, she requested that we not arrive early, wanting a bit of time to get things ready. But during my second visit, I mistakenly showed up about ten minutes ahead of schedule. I’m usually a little late, so I didn’t realize I’d arrived too soon. When she opened the door, keeping her hand on it, she remarked, “I thought I asked you not to come early.”

I handed her the snacks I had for the older kids, plus some of her things, and began to leave. She had called her father to let him know she’d finished work early. I kissed her goodbye, said, “I love you,” and told the kids the same. Yet, her hand remained on the door the whole time.

Ever since that day, we’ve been discussing it, and she insists she didn’t do anything wrong. Now, it feels like she’s trying to make me doubt my own feelings, asking if I’m “going through something.” I didn’t fully grasp why this had caused such a rift at first. She hasn’t invited us to see the kids since then, and when I reach out, she says she’s busy. I’m looking for some guidance here. — Punished in North Carolina

Dear Punished: Your daughter asking if you’re “going through something” is quite interesting, really. It’s possible she might be dealing with her own emotional ups and downs, hormonal changes, or just the stress of a newborn. If you feel the need to decode this sudden shift, perhaps try talking to your son-in-law for a different perspective.

Dear Abby

A few years back, my husband and I went to a close friend’s daughter’s wedding. We spent two nights at the destination and gave the couple a $300 cash gift.

On the wedding night, when I attempted to place the gift in the designated box, I discovered the large wooden box was missing. The bartender mentioned that the couple had already taken it to their room but assured me he’d pass the envelope along and confirm whether they had received it. I handed it over.

After six months passed without a thank you note, I asked a mutual friend if they had gotten my gift. I expressed my concern since it was cash and I had given it to the bartender. She spoke to her daughter, who simply told me to say, “Okay.” This encounter has seemingly put a strain on our friendship. Was my inquiry inappropriate? — Things I Wondered About in New York

Dear Mystified: You weren’t in the wrong. Given the unusual situation, it was completely reasonable to follow up to ensure they received the cash. However, your friend might have taken your inquiry as a criticism, especially since after six months you hadn’t gotten any acknowledgment for your generous gesture.