Dear Abby: My daughter’s family dislikes me and it’s impacting my mental well-being

Dear Abby

Dear Abby: A decade ago, I reconnected with Christy, my daughter from a brief relationship I had many years ago. We separated before she was born, and my ex didn’t inform me about her until after her birth. By then, she had married a man who was known as Christy’s father, but Christy has since distanced herself from him.

Christy and I have built a strong relationship, and I care for her deeply. When I retired five years back, she invited me to move closer to her and my 11-year-old granddaughter. She mentioned she could use help with errands like driving and other activities. Yet since my move, I hardly see them. Christy’s family has turned my granddaughter against me, and our interactions are always part of large gatherings, which prevents us from bonding as I’d hoped.

This situation is causing me a lot of distress; it’s even impacting my mental health. If I share these feelings with Christy, I fear I might be pushed completely out of her life. I’m unsure what to do. Should I just accept my limited role without complaint, or should I risk everything by being honest with her? — Disappointed in Florida

Dear Disappointment: It’s crucial to have a conversation with Christy about why you moved closer. You made that choice to enjoy more time with her and to bond with your granddaughter, but it seems you feel more like a driver than a grandparent. Ask her what led to this situation.

If there’s a way to resolve this, consider seeking advice from a licensed psychologist. But if things remain the same, it might be best to return to your former community to protect your mental well-being.

Dear Abby

Dear Abby: How do you balance kindness with the tendency to please others? How can you tell when you’re doing something just to be nice, even if you don’t want to do it? Sometimes, it feels like we only realize the burden of a task when we’re in the middle of it or about to start. Taking on too much can lead to frustration and stress, even if the intention was to help. How can we avoid these negative feelings? — Carrying the Weight

Dear Carrying: It’s great that you’re so considerate. Start showing yourself the same kindness you give others. Honoring obligations can become overwhelming, so it’s essential to learn to say no. Begin practicing now, before your goodwill turns into resentment.