Dear Abby: My wife recently moved from Canada to the United States. She has a 23-year-old son living in Canada who struggles with mental health issues. He has decided against further treatment, dropped out of college, and refuses to find a job.
His wife has been adjusting her expectations lower and continues to support him, which has enabled him to manipulate his family emotionally. His rude and aggressive behavior has led to him being banned from the house, but he still finds ways to hurt his mother as she tries to move on. When will this cycle end? — Moving forward in Texas
Thank you for your ongoing support: It’s heartbreaking to hear about your situation. Both of you need to figure out a healthier way to handle this difficult reality. Her son isn’t likely to change on his own, and ignoring him won’t solve the problem. Connecting with others experiencing similar challenges can provide much-needed support. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) could be a good resource. Check out nami.org for more information.
Dear Abby: I’m hosting a friend at my home in the country. She struggles with alcoholism, and both my husband and I don’t drink. The last time she visited, she got extremely drunk and lost her way in the house. (We helped her to bed.)
After her return home, I reflected for a week and finally messaged her to say I can no longer host her. She acknowledged the risks of harming herself or others while driving or possibly falling at my home, which could lead to a lawsuit.
I asked my son to help her out, and suddenly, I became the villain! I’ve been with my girlfriend for years and tried to dilute my friend’s alcohol whenever she came over. Is our friendship done now? — She overdosed in Wyoming
Dear Overdose: Yes, it’s probably for the best if you move on, especially if she hasn’t made that choice yet. Your friend is dealing with addiction, and she won’t change until it’s critical for her. You did the right thing by stating your limits—no need to apologize.
Dear Abby: I lost my husband of 38 years to cancer three years ago. Living in Southern California, we often enjoyed scenic drives together. Last year, I met “Allen,” and we are now engaged. I miss those beautiful drives and places I frequented with my late husband. Is it wrong to revisit those memories with my new partner? My adult children seem amused when I mention going to spots I used to explore with my father. — What I lack more than a man
Missing people: Don’t mind what your children say. This isn’t about right or wrong, as long as Allen enjoys these memories as much as you do. However, it might be worthwhile to create new adventures with him to build fresh memories together.
