Dear Abby: My grandson “Ethan” and his fiancée lived with his mother until four years ago. When I moved, I chose not to inform my parents of my new address. It’s been a while since my daughter met my son, and I think they text occasionally.
Ethan got married seven months back. He didn’t invite his parents, believing they might disrupt the day with their expectations. He did invite me and mentioned I would get some nice photos from the event. The wedding day came and went, and I saw photos online. I couldn’t help but feel that he was probably uncomfortable inviting me and his aunt, while his parents were a different case altogether.
Previously, I sent Ethan checks for his birthday and Christmas to assist with vehicle repairs. Even though I wasn’t invited to the wedding, I still sent him a card with a sizeable check as a gift. He cashed it but didn’t acknowledge my card at all.
Since neither Ethan nor his wife might appreciate the wedding gift, I’m at a crossroads about what to do for his upcoming birthday. Should I just let this pass, or should I perhaps still send a card to show unconditional love? I’m hesitant to send money again since it feels rude after he didn’t acknowledge the wedding gift. So, Dear Abby, what would you suggest? — estranged from the association
Dear Estranged: It’s quite clear there’s a disconnect when it comes to your role in your grandson’s life, especially given that you were told you would be invited to the wedding. Sending a check as a gift without any acknowledgment feels like a sign that he’s distancing himself. If you choose to send a birthday card, be prepared for the possibility of not receiving a response.
Dear Abby: My 25th class reunion is approaching, and I’m torn about attending. I’m concerned about how to handle conversations. Up until five years ago, I was very close with my classmates, but then my husband and I went through a number of family tragedies that drained my time and energy. The hardest part was losing my daughter, who was set to graduate this year.
I am looking forward to reconnecting with an old friend, but how can I engage in casual chats without trivializing my situation or bringing down the mood? When someone asks about my daughter, I need a way to respond that doesn’t overly burden either of us. The thought of discussing it makes me want to opt out entirely. Any advice? — TBA in Los Angeles
Dear Undecided: I’m sorry to hear about your loss. If your classmates aren’t aware and ask how you’re doing, I suggest being straightforward: let them know your daughter passed away several years ago. If they want to know more, just say you’d prefer not to discuss it and change the subject.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
