Dear Abby: Family Dynamics and Relationships

Dear Abby: I’m 40, single, and child-free. Lately, it’s been harder for my parents to come over for dinner, and they only live 45 minutes away. They’re both retired and in good health. Honestly, anyone who’s been to my place knows it’s always tidy, has a pleasant smell, and I enjoy cooking.

So, after a lot of persistence, they finally agreed to visit. I typically ask them at least three times a week since they tend to decline initially. It takes months for them to actually respond, which is discouraging. I think they just don’t seem very interested, and that hurts. I’ve tried discussing it with them, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference.

A couple of weeks ago, they finally confirmed a date, which got me all excited. But then, it got canceled at the last minute. They seem to have no trouble picking up my nieces regularly, practicing yoga, going to concerts, or even traveling. I can’t help but feel that I’m expected to visit them, and when I say no, they respond with “Oh, why not?”

I’ve felt like the black sheep of the family for decades. If I end up marrying and having kids, will my parents visit like they do with my brother and sister-in-law? What’s your take on this? — New York Home Alone

Dear Home Alone: From what you describe, your parents seem to have busy lives, which might lead them to think it’s more convenient for you to come to them. Your situation reads like a bit of sibling rivalry. Unfortunately, you can’t really change how they act, so perhaps it’s worth considering shifting your perspective on family relationships.

Dear Abby: I’m 19 years old, and my father’s mother has never really played a grandmotherly role in my life. I don’t have a strong relationship with her. My dad says it’s partly his fault, but he also implies it’s my mom’s issue. Meanwhile, my grandmother doesn’t seem to take any responsibility for the situation.

Recently, I called my girlfriend by her name in front of my aunt, who thought it was disrespectful. How can I explain to her that I’m not being rude since I don’t have a relationship with my grandmother? I feel like people think I should just forgive and forget because she’s my grandma, but I don’t share that view. What do you think? — Technically a granddaughter

Dear granddaughter: You don’t have to just forgive and forget about your grandmother if she hasn’t wanted a relationship with you. However, to keep the peace in the family, it’s important to show respect. One way to do this is by using honorifics, like calling her “Grandma.”