Dear Abby: My eldest son, “Adam,” turned 50 last month. He and his wife, “Lindy,” live about four hours away. They invited me and my husband to a birthday celebration she was hosting for him. Unfortunately, Adam’s daughter from his previous marriage couldn’t make it for some reason.
Lindy tends to drink a bit too much. At one point during the party, she started yelling about Adam’s “stupid daughter” not showing up. I was extremely upset, but I decided not to speak out since Adam’s friend was also there, and I didn’t want to ruin the occasion, especially since Lindy was clearly intoxicated.
My granddaughter has a strained relationship with them. The two older daughters from Lindy’s marriage are married themselves, while Adam has adopted the youngest. Honestly, I don’t want to deal with Lindy anymore. Adam and his father are unaware of what transpired that night. Our relationship has been rocky since Adam chose to leave his first family for Lindy. What should I do? — Hold your tongue in Texas
Dear Holding: Adam knows his wife has a drinking problem and can get out of hand. He hasn’t mentioned if he still speaks to his ex-wife or daughter, so her absence at the birthday could have been expected. I recommend staying quiet and not causing more trouble.
Dear Abby: I have a friend from school who works at the same company as I do. Although we’re in different departments, I was in a similar role when I joined six years ago. I received two significant promotions, while she has remained in the same position. She’s feeling frustrated because her work is appreciated and she consistently receives good feedback.
She asked me for insights on what might be happening. Her boss wasn’t clear when she raised the issue, which seems to be the norm here. I think maybe it has to do with her communication style. While the culture is quite traditional, she has a more modern approach to work-life balance. She adheres to the dress code but opts for a more casual style. She also makes personal calls within earshot of others, leaves the office for errands or to pick up her kids, and works from home to compensate for it. Even though this is technically allowed, it seems other companies don’t operate this way.
Only about 10% of our roles involve direct contact with customers, but we still manage to get noticed. It would help if the rules were clearer about what management actually desires, but understanding the atmosphere is crucial too. For me, preserving our friendship is more important than aiding her at work. Should I share all of this with her? — Faithful Friend of Ohio
Dear friend: Be honest and share your thoughts with her. Following that, she should have a private conversation with her boss to understand why she hasn’t been promoted.
