A decorated Army veteran from New York who kept it a secret his whole life has come out as gay in his obituary.
In his final message to the world, Col. Edward Thomas Ryan, 85, of Albany, said he had always known his sexual orientation but was “scared of being ostracized.”
“I have to say one more thing. I was gay through grade school, high school, college, and my whole life.” Ryan’s final words Mentioned in the obituary His family said he mourned his own death before succumbing to cancer.
Despite keeping her sexual orientation a secret, Ryan revealed that she was lucky to have had a “loving and caring relationship” with a man named Paul Cavagnaro for 25 years, whom she described as “the love of my life.”
According to Joseph Ryan, the Vietnam War veteran’s nephew, the couple’s relationship was something of an open secret within the family.
“He was a shy guy,” Rensselaer resident Joseph Ryan, 68, told The Post.
“[Cavagnaro] He showed up to a lot of family events, so we kind of knew, but he wasn’t the kind of person to really say anything… We’re not the kind of family that would say anything about people.
Colonel Ryan, who had been awarded numerous prestigious medals throughout his military career, was primarily afraid of being “alienated” by his Army colleagues.
For much of this brave soldier’s career, same-sex relationships were grounds for discharge and were explicitly prohibited from 1982 until 1994, when the Clinton Administration implemented its controversial “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.
Even after he left the military less than a decade ago, Ryan feared he would be court-martialed for being openly gay, his nephew said — a decision the decorated veteran would posthumously regret.
“I apologize for never having had the courage to come out as gay. I was afraid of being shunned by my family, friends and colleagues. I simply couldn’t do it after seeing how people like me were treated,” Col. Ryan wrote in his obituary.
“Now that my secret is out, I will rest in peace forever.”
Colonel Ryan died after a battle with intestinal cancer likely contracted through close contact with Agent Orange during the Vietnam War and donated his body to the Albany Medical College’s Anatomy Donation Program.
Once the students are done with his body, his remains will be cremated and buried alongside those of Cavagnaro, who tragically died in 1994 after a botched medical procedure.
Asked if his uncle’s final message to the world came as a shock to the family, Joseph Ryan said it was a long time coming.
“He was quiet, but he was bold. It was always in his heart,” Joseph Ryan said, noting the family understands the significance of his uncle coming out during Pride Month.
Colonel Ryan served with the Army’s 10th Brigade and then stayed on in the military as chef for American Legion Chapter 1231 in East Greenbush.
He also worked as a firefighter in his lifelong hometown of Rensselaer (where his family history stretches back nearly 200 years) and helped found radio station WHRL-FM in Albany.
His military service led to numerous honors, including the National Defense Engagement Medal and the Defense of Freedom Medal for “service to his nation following the attacks on the United States of America on September 11, 2001.”
More importantly, Col. Ryan’s death has already left a huge hole in his family.
“My father was always jolly,” Joseph Ryan recalled. “He attended every family event and always brought a tray of food to make sure everyone was well fed. He always sent flowers and gifts to his sisters and their families for birthdays and holidays. He never forgot anyone’s birthday.”
