Some left-leaning women have recently expressed frustration regarding the emotional roles they’ve found themselves in historically. The term “mankeeping,” coined by Stanford postdoctoral researcher Angelica Putio Ferrara, highlights the emotional labor women often provide for men in their lives. A New York Times piece elaborated on this concept, suggesting that as men’s social circles diminish, women feel pressured to fulfill more emotional needs.
The article featured insights from a male therapist, Justin Rioy, who works with men in Brooklyn. He noted that many of his straight male clients confide primarily in their partners, turning them into their unofficial therapists. In some cases, he has heard them say, “I’m doing all the emotional labor.”
Despite the burden some women feel regarding this emotional labor, they’re often at a loss when asked how they help foster male friendships. It seems many believe that emotional support can simply be transferred onto male friends. However, it’s apparent that men lack that kind of social necessity.
When women from the Democratic party were polled, many agreed that women-only groups were beneficial for society, while support for all-male groups was notably lower. Approximately 76% of Democratic women viewed women’s circles positively, yet only 34% extended that sentiment to male-only groups, according to research.
Interestingly, these Democratic women seem to struggle with the double-edged sword of wanting their partners to support them but also resenting that need. This happens while they simultaneously resist the idea of their men turning to other guys for support.
If you’re feeling a bit perplexed by the contradictions in these views, you’re definitely not alone. Reflecting on a line from “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” where a mother likens men to the head and women to the neck, it strikes me how true that can be. My dad always thought that women should harness that influence for the benefit of their families. Yet, it’s striking to see many women unwilling to embrace this role while complaining about the power dynamics at play.
Perhaps if society didn’t make male-only activities taboo, it might ease some burdens on women who feel the need to manage emotional support. It’s a tough balance—how do you encourage men to be vulnerable while also holding onto the belief that they shouldn’t lean on other men?
It’s important for women to encourage men to explore their emotions; doing so not only deepens connections but also signifies trust. Many women find themselves in roles as their partners’ closest confidantes yet interpret this situation as a form of victimization rather than something positive in their relationships. It feels remarkably self-centered to default to that perspective.
This looks like another instance where left-leaning women criticize men for responding to the very openness they’ve encouraged. A certain level of self-awareness seems necessary here; if these women view their emotional support role as a drawback, it might indicate a larger issue.
There’s real value in wanting to be the best version of oneself, and sometimes that involves emotional labor when your partner needs support. Recognizing this effort as a privilege rather than a burden is essential. If someone sees it as a weight to bear, maybe that’s something they need to reconsider.
