Richard’s Struggles with Family and Business

I know a guy named Richard. He’s friends with some of my friends. In his late 40s, he’s been running a thriving craft brewing business for several years.

Recently, though, I heard his business hit a rough patch last year. To add to that, his wife filed for divorce, and it seems he’s having a tough time seeing his kids, too.

Maybe this is some kind of new initiation ceremony for men, you know? Getting hit hard by the family court, losing a business to some extreme political shifts. It’s like being left in the lurch when you need support the most.

I bumped into him not long ago at a larger gathering. Honestly, he seemed in pretty rough shape. The family court was really getting him down, and he was blaming President Trump for his business woes.

Honestly, it’s not surprising he points blame that way. In a place like Portland, many intelligent folks do that without thinking twice. It’s almost an automatic response—everything is blamed on Trump. I can’t entirely fault them; there’s definitely a lot of propaganda around here. If you’re running a public-facing business, sometimes you just have to play along.

But, perhaps the real issue affecting his business is the local economy. Taxes, for one, are on the rise. Then there are increasing insurance premiums, and, let’s not forget, the homeless situation is encroaching on every neighborhood. Oh, and there’s that time a drug addict used my trash can as a fire pit.

A Tough Gathering

So, at that event, I ended up in a small circle with Richard and a few other guys. It was obvious he was upset. Honestly, he just looked frazzled.

I could relate to his situation in a way. I went through something similar when my father passed away during my own divorce.

Granted, I didn’t have kids, which might make Richard’s ordeal even heavier.

Eventually, the rest of the group drifted away, and I found myself giving Richard a bit of a pep talk. I shared my experience and mentioned how, at that time, I tried to see my challenges as tests of character.

This was my thought: how often do you get two life-altering crises hitting you from different directions all at once?

Surrounded by so many emotional stressors and practical dilemmas, I learned to see my situation as a sort of challenge—a rare opportunity to push my limits.

I really wasn’t sure if he’d resonate with that or not. And to be honest, I didn’t know much about him apart from that moment, so I just left it there.

Reflecting on His Past

But a few days later, I reflected more on Richard’s circumstances.

He had a solid middle-class background. His parents were well-off, he went to a good college, and he had a successful brewery that was well-regarded in the local craft beer scene—until Portland’s current decline, of course.

In many ways, he had it relatively easy. So, my earlier thought about this being a “rare opportunity” didn’t seem entirely wrong. What he’s facing now is likely the worst situation he has ever dealt with—and it all happened simultaneously!

This might have also been an appropriate moment to shed some light on local politics for him. Hey, it’s not Trump’s fault that business is tough in Portland. But I didn’t want to push it.

But what about “tests”? My point still stands. Richard has never experienced such a profound challenge, and like many men, he wasn’t equipped for it. He had been leading a rather low-key life.

No Rite of Passage

It’s often said that part of the issues with men in America is the absence of some kind of initiation rite.

We lack a set process into adulthood. No clear “rites of passage.”

You can go through life without facing significant hardship or deep poverty.

In other cultures, they emphasize creating these “rites of passage.” I remember hearing about Native American youth undertaking “vision quests.” They would venture into the wilderness, alone, without food or any protection.

This way, they proved their worth, stretching both their physical and mental limits. It was more than just a test of toughness—it was a chance for spiritual growth. Being a man involves not just strength, but also humility and understanding one’s responsibilities to the community.

Once you face the struggle of self-reliance, you develop a deeper appreciation for the stability of a healthy community.

A New Initiation

Thinking about Richard’s plight, it seems increasingly common among men today. His experience isn’t unique; this kind of thing happens all the time.

Maybe we are indeed witnessing a new kind of initiation ceremony for men: battered by the family courts, losing their businesses due to political shifts. Often, they feel abandoned by their own social circles, especially if they share progressive views.

What else could you do in Richard’s shoes? Complain to a lawyer? Point fingers at Trump? Why not vent to friends voting for Kamala?

Or perhaps you take a moment to grieve, acknowledge your situation, and come back with renewed determination and clarity?

Sure, I feel for Richard. He’s been through a lot. But men like him need to shift their focus from lamenting to understanding what’s unfolding around them.

Consider your current struggles as a rite of passage—a vision quest overdue. You’re in the wilderness now. The only one you can truly rely on is yourself.