Dear Abby: I helped my friend by driving her to and from work for two weeks while her car was being repaired. When the car returned, she asked me to let her know if she could return the favor by helping me.
I recently needed some repairs on my car, so I asked if it would be possible to pay for a few days of round trip transportation in cash. She replied that she would do it for me, but that she felt she didn't owe me any favors anymore because she had already helped one of her other friends and “repaid the favor” (to me). I should know. .
I also had the impression that if she gave me a ride to work, I would owe her another favor. I told her to forget what I asked and I would go to work another way.
Is there a rule of etiquette that says you should “return a favor” to someone and then tell them you no longer owe them the favor? — It's frustrating in the south
Dear Irritated: If so, this is the first time I've heard of it. The “friends” you speak of are what they call “bean counters” or “scorekeepers.” This person is overly focused on controlling things, including spending, budgets, and in her case, relationships. It is better to avoid such people.
Dear Abby: I often wonder why men don't take care of children like women. Men I have known change diapers, take naps and baths, take their children to daycare and school, attend most events in their children's lives, and stay with their children 24 hours a day. I know only one man who would. (He is the man I married.)
Most men I know think all of the above are women's responsibilities, even if they work full time. I can only think that it dates back to the days of cavemen or prairie life. –– Ratings in Indiana
Important person: Ideally, childcare responsibilities should be shared. You didn't mention your age, but over the past few decades I've been impressed by the way I've seen fathers proudly carrying their babies in carriers or pushing them in strollers. I also take my older kids to Sunday breakfast and to sporting events and professional sporting events.
I don't know what their home life is like, and neither do you, but they seem to be very involved in their children's lives. In past decades, men were not as hands-on as husbands because they took it for granted that they worked long hours to support their families.
Dear Abby: A dear friend or family member has a habit of changing the temperature of food that others are already cooking. Does this seem rude? Is there a polite way to rectify the situation? — confused and confused in boston
Dear B&B: It may be time to put a sign on your oven or stovetop advising visitors (loved or otherwise) not to mess with appliances while preparing to entertain. The person who did this is very arrogant as it could ruin the whole meal.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
