This year I became a father.
They say that everything changes when you become a parent, and I agree. The moment I held my son for the first time after he emerged from the safety of his mother's womb, I thought: “My life is over.”
When I own it, I thrive. But when I give myself up, my family thrives.
But that's a good thing, and I'm grateful for that.
Today's Western culture prioritizes self-actualization and freedom from outside influences. Subjectivity, personal feelings, and internal perceptions of identity are supported as the main products. And the main story we are told is: I am the author of my life – and the story is all about me. My happiness is the most important currency in my life. If there is anything that interferes with my version of the good life that I define, I must immediately erase it from my life.
Having children is the ultimate way to fight back against this poisoned worldview. I'm hugging you death of self.
As I experienced in my short three-and-a-half months, and as I have witnessed in the lives of my friends, parenting requires a shift in identity. Raising children is not something I do. Rather than that, I'm a father.
But I'm not a father in the corner of my life. I am a husband and father first, and the rest of my life is built around those missions.
The compass that guides me is not driven by my personal feelings or desires. Instead, I am willing to provide for my family, protect them, serve them, guide them, and put myself into them because I want them to thrive.
When I own it, I thrive. But when I give myself up, my family thrives. my self I lose, but my family wins. Self-sacrifice and other-centered love are the name of the game.
In parenting, this is intuitive. In order for our children to survive, we must make sacrifices and spend years meeting their every need. myself for they. If we don't prioritize them, they will literally die. Therefore, the journey of parenting is an invitation to death.
But there's good news. Embracing your own death not only leads to a more fulfilling life, a life in which you discover that true joy lies not in self-indulgence but in the love you give to yourself, but it also leads to life itself. In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus said, “Whoever seeks to preserve his life loses it, but whoever loses it.” [his own life]and he will give life” (Luke 17:33, my translation).
Ultimately, it is my faith that motivates me to accept my own death. After all, being a Christian means accepting Jesus' invitation to follow Him to death and through this to resurrection life.
With this feeling of gratitude, I thank God for calling me to be a father and for giving me the end of adolescence. He trusted my wife and I to accept his own death to take care of our son.
There is no escape hatch and there is no turning back. And for that, I thank God every day.
