newYou can now listen to Fox News articles.
Happy Monday everyone. let’s start. March is Women’s History Month. Yes, it is a place where we all remember the contributions of women throughout history, almost as if to make us forget. A Harvard University poll shows Donald Trump leading Joe Biden by 6 points. Meanwhile, a Yale University poll shows Joe Biden with a 6-point lead when it comes to hemorrhoids. The CDC is no longer recommending that Americans who test positive for the coronavirus stay home. Anthony Fauci could not be reached for comment as he was busy searching for his lost ring.
Academics at the University of Kent have published a groundbreaking study debunking women’s preferred penis size. I found the optimal length to be just long enough to push into the speedometer. They didn’t say male or female. Horrible. A former prison guard in Wisconsin has set a world record by eating a total of 34,000 Big Macs, or lunches as some people call them, during his lifetime. Marianne Williamson has lifted the suspension on her presidential campaign, insisting she can win if more people hear her message. To spread her information, she added her second Ouija board. Police in Pennsylvania have arrested a man who impersonated Elvis in a hotel room with a 16-year-old girl. Wow, talk about staying in character. Elvis!
Experts say more women may be psychopaths than previously thought. Amazingly, he claims he came to his conclusion after watching just one hour of television. A California software engineer made headlines after wearing an AI headset on his wedding day. He then made headlines when his bride dumped him during his honeymoon and had sex with his best man. he deserved it. Okay, let’s do a monologue. Do you feel like America? Something is being built. And it’s not just the sexual tension between me and 3 million people in the country. It’s the feeling you get when you’re waiting for a parent to finally slap an obnoxious child who’s screaming and whining for attention at a restaurant. I feel it every night.
Parents object to American universities promoting DEI initiatives: “DEI is dangerous”
But I feel that America has finally grown tired of the left using identity as a weapon to purge old sins. The adults have finally returned. The University of Florida eliminated all diversity, equity and inclusion positions last week. Former employees said they were shocked, believing they were supposed to fire others. So that rustling noise you hear is the act of thousands of awake people signing up at Starbucks. Now students will have to prepare for the world the old-fashioned way: selling photos of their feet on social media. Florida’s decision follows recent state bans not only on DEI, but also on all activities used for political or social activism in public university systems. In other words, Florida just approved the U.S. Constitution, which prohibits discrimination based on race, any race. And we can thank Governor DeSantis for stepping in, even if those feet are in size 5 patent leather boots. I love them.
Apparently, the school intends to focus on education instead. How radical? What’s next? Will airlines go back to bolting plane doors? Will Disney return to making family movies? Will women’s sports return to women’s sports? Except when driving. Florida’s decision comes in the wake of Google’s recent turmoil, in which the company’s Gemini artificial intelligence was found to have almost the same intelligence as live viewers of The View. Gemini reflected all the prejudices of its creator, who had less positive views of white people than Joy Reed. Gemini received such backlash that it had no choice but to do so. This shows that choosing an ideology that openly competes with profitability will kill your product. Just ask Bud Light.
Red-faced Google apologizes after AI bot gave ‘terrible’ answers about pedophilia and Stalin
For the left, these outcomes were inevitable because their only job is to settle the consequences of the past. So they push their strange pathology into every aspect of our lives. They want to tell us who can work, what can be taught in school, what pronouns to use, and who can use which bathroom. I wish I could force that last thing here. Kabuto is working on this broccoli smoothie. Oh, he’s making the place smell like a monkey cage. And for too long, working Americans have just put up with it because they’ve been too busy. But then along came George Floyd. He was suddenly turbocharged. No matter how much I pandered, it wasn’t enough. We were no longer America. We were BLM. There were signs in every window in the metropolis, but mostly peaceful mobs smashed the windows. But of course, once BLM leaders were shown to be as legitimate as Rachel Dolezal after a spray tan, the issue quietly disappeared.
Then a new acronym appeared: DEI. This is a magical term intended to replace equality of opportunity with mandated consequences. It didn’t take long for this one to go south either. What better metaphor could there be than the removal of Harvard University’s president as a fraud for the death of DEI? And therein lies the irony. The giant, bespectacled broad didn’t even see it coming. thank you. It means something. If Claudine Gay’s testimony isn’t enough, I have two things to say to you. Kamala Harris. And she says 30 words to you, none of which make sense.
Then came the business world and its newest acronym, ESG, which stands for Environmental, Social, and Governance. This should be a symbol of endless shit and laughter. Because this is also intended to be used as a life support device. Because even its leading proponent, BlackRock’s Larry Fink, admits that ESG is a bigger loser than I am. Ugliest Man Contest. The world’s largest investment fund just said ESG has given BlackRock a bad reputation and is likely to continue doing so.
CLICK HERE TO GET THE FOX NEWS APP
Yes, it’s negative advertising. And this is BlackRock, a company so insidious that it serves fried pandas in its employee cafeteria. It’s not over yet. Every time a DEI dies, a new one comes back with a different name. Because they hate meritocracy, even if it works. Especially if it works. But regardless of your race, gender, or skin color, if you’re good at what you do, you should move up in the world. It doesn’t matter if you are black, white, brown, or purple. However, if it’s purple, it means you can’t breathe, so go to the emergency room. And pray to God that your doctor wasn’t hired for diversity.
