The Cycle of New Year’s Resolutions

Every January, many Americans make resolutions, believing this will be the year they create real change.

They plan to lose weight, mend relationships, reduce procrastination, drink less, and be more present in their lives.

Yet by February, most of these commitments tend to fade away quietly.

The issue doesn’t stem from a lack of desire; people generally understand what they wish to improve. The problem lies in accountability. This modern shift in language, often drawn from therapy culture, seems to enable individuals to justify giving up instead of facing the discomfort that comes with change.

This isn’t merely a personal issue. The same type of language influences our public discussions, and this shift can have serious implications.

For example, after the tragic shooting involving Charlie Kirk, Montel Williams referred to the accused shooter as a “child torn by love” on CNN. Meanwhile, ABC News described the shooter’s farewell message as “touching.” Words that should clarify wrongdoings instead soften the narratives, transforming horrific acts into tales of misunderstood pain.

Such language alters how individuals perceive themselves. Describing a murderer as “torn by love” can nearly erase the victim’s existence.

These instances, while extreme, reflect a broader trend. Each year, when people abandon their New Year’s resolutions, a more subtle decline in responsibility occurs.

The political arena also employs similar language, often directing blame away from individuals. This leads to a diminishing sense of personal accountability.

It’s worth noting, not all kind expressions are therapeutic. While “torn by love” evokes emotion, it lacks a clinical touch.

The power of such terminology lies in how easily it can morph into a therapeutic viewpoint, framing destructive actions as rooted in pain rather than conscious choice. Once this rebranding occurs—whether relating to public violence or personal goals—personal responsibility falters.

As a psychotherapist, I witness this phenomenon in my practice daily.

In my upcoming book, “Therapy Nation,” I delve into how therapy culture influences personal responsibility and often keeps individuals feeling stuck.

Terms once reserved for serious psychological conditions—like narcissist or PTSD—have seeped beyond therapy settings into everyday conversations.

People label friends as “toxic” for minor disagreements or equate ghosting with narcissism. Missing a workout? You’re “burnt out.” Want to end a relationship? You’re “triggered.” The expectation to follow through becomes “toxic.”

This language permits failure. When every obstacle is termed a trauma and each conflict becomes abuse, achieving progress no longer necessitates effort or reflection.

When individuals start perceiving setbacks as injuries rather than choices, they stall in their development.

I acknowledge my role in this dynamic.

While therapy emphasizes empathy, it has inadvertently made accountability seem optional.

Media and political discussions mirror this trend, stripping away the nuances that bring clarity.

This shift can be observed in the words people choose to describe behavior, which often clouds the truth.

For instance, one patient felt her boss was “gaslighting” her merely for providing honest feedback. Originally, gaslighting meant intentional psychological manipulation, yet it’s now casually applied to everyday frustrations.

Another individual excused aggressive behavior towards his wife, attributing it to a tough upbringing. His therapist had validated this view, but I did not.

While past trauma can help explain actions, it certainly cannot excuse them.

Active therapists must maintain this important distinction. Failing to do so leads to stagnation.

The same trends are evident in public policy discussions. When leaders like Cynthia Nixon and Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez describe shoplifting as a “necessary” act, it sends a clear message: shoplifting isn’t a crime; it’s a sign of desperation.

This reasoning rapidly unravels, justifying theft and minimizing serious issues like looting and violence.

The concern isn’t with compassion itself. Genuine compassion acknowledges suffering while still enforcing responsibility. The distinction between therapy and luxury must be maintained.

If suffering negates responsibility, it means those who suffer can claim less accountability.

This mindset contributes to the recurring failure of New Year’s resolutions.

Change, by its very nature, is uncomfortable.

It demands self-discipline, consistency, and the ability to withstand frustration without labeling it pathological.

Therapy should not convert every habit into a clinical label or identity. Its purpose is to help individuals confront reality and alter their actions.

As the new year unfolds, Americans need empowering words rather than ones that allow them to excuse their inaction.

The reason for failure isn’t being “triggered.” The truth is, change is hard. Discipline is taxing.

Compassion is crucial, yet compassion without accountability does nothing to enhance lives.

A society that encourages the justification of actions instead of taking ownership will continue to misinterpret excuses for progress, year after year.