Greg Gutfeld: Hit pieces on regular people is no replacement for content

Happy Tuesday everyone. I love you all. Almost too much. Okay, let’s get started. Dylan Mulvaney is transitioning from transgender influencer to stand-up comic. After the Budweiser debacle, it had to admit it needed a ball. We know how this goes. A government-sponsored report says the country must take urgent action to prevent the extinction of humanity due to artificial intelligence, which is why I created a robot that punches holes in condoms. But the U.S. State Department paints an alarming picture of the catastrophic national security risks posed by rapidly evolving AI. But one man said he didn’t need to worry too much.

A new study has found that 74% of teens feel happier when they don’t have their smartphone at hand. The remaining 26% are tied to benches in Beijing, working for Apple. Yes, it makes me think. Four astronauts returned to Earth with SpaceX on Tuesday, ending a six-month mission aboard the International Space Station. He said he wished he had come back sooner, but the chick on board had to stop 43 times to pee. A new special counsel investigation reports that Biden kept forgetting what the fax machine was. Well, he always had a problem with facts. A little play on words. There are very few. According to the survey, 47% of American parents still financially support their adult children, but some adult children financially support their parents.

A Boeing whistleblower who warned about aircraft safety laws has been found dead in South Carolina. He was last seen alive having dinner with this woman. The Florida Legislature has voted to raise the minimum age for strippers to 21. However, the minimum age for strippers in the Village remains 75. The fight between female Spring Breakers continues to escalate, with a large brawl breaking out in Fort Lauderdale this week. So what were they fighting for? I’m pretty hairless. New Orleans police say rats ate all the marijuana in the evidence room. The missing cash jewelry and AK47 were also reportedly eaten by rats.

According to the FAA, the Boeing mechanic was using a hotel key card as a makeshift tool, but it didn’t work and he had to keep going back to the front desk. I thought it would work. Robberies of mail carriers have once again increased dramatically this year. I guess that means someone is masturbating to my Harry and David catalogue. I don’t like it. Thank you, Emily. A Ukrainian strongman has set a world record by using his beard to pull a 5,687-pound minibus, breaking the record set by the previous world champion.

Liberal sports blog that defiled a 9-year-old Kansas City Chiefs fan has all staff fired after selling out

Okay, let’s do a monologue. They called the kid a racist, so the boss told them to replace the kid. This is good news for people who like sports but don’t like the muddy atmosphere. Left-handed sports site Deadspin just laid off its entire staff after being sold to its parent company. Now, I’m sure most of you have never read Deadspin, but you probably remember the story in which Deadspin disparaged 9-year-old Kansas City Chiefs fan Holden Armenta. A few months ago, his parents took him to a game between the Chiefs and Las Vegas Raiders. This is what he wore to the game. Well, nothing unusual for an NFL game or dinner at LIz Warren’s. People dress up and wear face paint all the time. He seemed like a good kid and was clearly having fun. Of course, the left can’t stand kids enjoying anything other than a drag queen lap dance, so the Deadspin hack was necessary to stop that. Recap Rotate the recap roller.

Gutfeld! November 29 Flashback: A hack from sports website Deadspin claims that a child who painted his face in his football team’s colors was actually wearing blackface. This crappy writer had to face Elon Musk’s new community of his X Notes feature. In record time, Community Notes displayed a full photo of the child instead of a half-blacked-out photo. But that didn’t matter to Whitey hater Caron Phillips, who simply became the Jussie Smollett of sports journalism. Phillips goes on to say, “This is what happens when you ban books, oppose critical race theory, and try to erase centuries of hatred. You make future generations more racist than before.” “It will give us the ammunition we need to rebuild and rebuild.” Is blaming a kid the way to erase hate when a young kid wearing his favorite team colors is reproducing more racism than ever before, Caron? Damn you.

So they decided to smear the third graders who were enjoying the football game, but Caron’s bosses quickly deleted the photo, sensing that the momentum was finally shifting against the woke witch trials. He added a harsh apology. They said, “We regret that it has been pointed out that we are attacking fans.” Was it suggestive? Now, when Kudrow answers the door wearing lingerie, it’s suggestive. But when your writer says that young fans have found “a way to hate Black people and Native Americans at the same time,” you’re not suggesting, but the very people who make the sports you cover possible. It’s slandering. But things got even worse for Dead Spit and their deadbeat writers. A few months later something like this happened.

Gutfeld! February 8 Flashback: But the 9-year-old’s family is now suing Deadspin, alleging the company’s “racially motivated political agenda” and “maliciously and unreasonably attacking their child.” And the story is even more hilarious in that the child is also a member of the Chumash tribe. My only hope is that Little Chiefs fans get enough money to buy Deadspin and turn it into a pickleball court.

Well, as it turns out, my prediction that this kid will get rich off it might actually come true. Because the sale of Deadspin provided an infusion of cash to pay when the kids won their lawsuits. You might even want to spend some time together on Nick Sandman’s private yacht. So justice prevailed and Deadspin was fired, just like Leo DiCaprio’s girlfriend on his 25th birthday. Not since Kilmeade’s last book on Warren Harding’s chronic halitosis has the world of journalism suffered such a blow.

Vice Media files for bankruptcy, latest in series of liberal media battles

As for Deadspin’s future, the parent company said, “The new owners plan to take a different content approach when it comes to the site’s overall sports coverage.” Well, here’s another approach. Try the truth. I know it’s a crazy idea, but you never know. i will try. It feels strange at first, but just like a vibrating anal plug, you quickly get used to it. That’s why I asked. That’s what they tell me. But Deadspin, following in the footsteps of Vice, Buzzfeed, feminist shit-fest, Jezebel, Messenger, Time Magazine, Business Insider, and many other places that probably didn’t produce journalism that anyone cared about, got fired. It’s just the latest news outlet I’ve experienced. Before Sports Illustrated became a mental hospital dedicated to punishing the men who made up its core audience, the swimsuit models, Sports Illustrated was known as a mental hospital devoted to punishing men who needed extra space to hide their little things. This is the reason why Sports Illustrated, which was an institution for punishing people, went out of business. You might as well toss an ice-cold Gatorade into your underwear, but the story here is that the left has finally learned that giving hits to the average person is no substitute for content.

It may be fun for the loser of X, but it makes you a terrible person. DeadSpin took a look at what every professional athlete knows. Of course, there are rare exceptions, but if you smell a bad odor at work, it won’t last long. So let’s close with some wisdom from Dave Portnoy, a man who knows a thing or two about running a successful sports site.

Dave Portnoy: Go to Deadspin! Everyone gets fired again. Those ****s don’t understand that. He’s miserable, hates life, and never smiles. It’s never going to pay the bills. See you at the unemployment line.

And that’s the moral of this story. Making up lies to piss people off can quickly generate web traffic, but hate clicks are not a business plan. And when you lie to people and then insult the person who finds out you’re lying, people tend to distance themselves. People watch and read about sports for entertainment rather than lectures. It’s the same reason they drink beer, watch movies, and live their lives like normal humans.

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And if you keep telling them they’re racist, sexist monsters, they’ll take their business elsewhere. Meanwhile, what about Caron, author of the repulsive Deadspin article? Well, he was one of the writers named in the lawsuit and fired. He has already updated his LinkedIn profile picture and says he is “available for the job.” But if he wants to continue unfairly accusing white people of racism, he can always go to work at MSNBC.