Gutfeld: These look like a stupidly thick pair of nerdy ski goggles

Happy Tuesday everyone. I mean, Apple just debuted the Vision Pro headset. It’s their spatial computing device, which looks like stupidly thick nerdy ski goggles to a friendless person. The original name is said to have been Kilmeade. But in reality, this is a very powerful computer that can do a lot of cool and exciting things like surfing the web, watching movies, checking email, accessing all your apps, and more. Already sold out with 200,000 pre-orders received. Retail price is $3,500, the same price as Dinner with Greg Gutfeld. Fans buy me food so I can sit quietly while I eat. Yeah, it’s a win-win, but the $3,500 price tag is a little pricey even for me, and I put my dog’s poop in my Gucci bag. Anyway, here’s what it looks like from the perspective of the person wearing it: This is what he sees. He looks down at his fingers, typing on a keyboard that isn’t there, scrolling on a screen that isn’t even there. And now that same person is on the New York City subway. Look at him. It’s amazing he survived.

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What if you wore a sign that read, “Mutilate me, harvest my organs and sell me to organized crime in Singapore”? But even if you are not killed, you are definitely not charged with a crime. Perhaps that’s Apple’s ultimate goal of getting us to stop having sex, which would reduce the population and thereby save the planet. Now, the Vision Pro may actually be great, but so are CPAP machines, and you won’t see anyone strapping it to their face in public. But that would be cool. Of course, you can still see what’s going on around you while wearing the goggles, but there’s also the added benefit of seeing your stupid typing movements out of thin air. It looks like maybe I’m conducting an orchestra or maybe I’m having a seizure, but only a neurologist can be sure of that. But essentially, the real world becomes the backdrop to a laptop screen full of crap that’s strapped to your face. For you, it’s like magic. But this is who you are to other people. It’s what’s known in medical terms as a “douchebag.” He’s like someone who went to a men’s clothing store and didn’t like the way he looked.

So now we’re getting videos of people trying out this gizmo. This is a man wearing Apple Vision Pro behind the wheel of a Cybertruck. The worst thing that can go wrong there is him surviving. After watching these clips, I’m starting to think I’d rather be Amish. You won’t see farmers riding virtual buggies, stirring virtual milk, or beating virtual goats.

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Meanwhile, users have already reported symptoms of simulator sickness, including nausea, dizziness, and headaches. Here’s a tip: save your three grand and watch Fox and Friends instead. It’s a good show. Meanwhile, other users are upset that the Vision Pro doesn’t play any virtual reality porn. Please give me time, Danna. Horrible. However, I believe there are far greater obstacles to this widespread adoption. No one wants to look this stupid. And does this make you look stupid? In fact, Steve Jobs would never have made something this uncool. Mainly because he passed away, but also because he knew people appreciated design as much as function. But rather than waste all of this product, I decided to do some research of my own. So Joe sent his gore out into the field to test the Vision Pro. Take that away, Joe.

“Gutfeld!” skit: Hey Joe, what are you doing?

I’m masturbating. Hey, wait!

[SOUND OF CAR CRASH].

The Apple Vision Pro mixed reality (XR) headset is seen at the Apple Store in New York, USA on February 3, 2024. ((Photo by Fatih Aktas/Anadolu, Getty Images))

oh. He sold it. That’s all I got. Well, if you want to look stupid, anyway. Are you okay. I really don’t care. But it’s not just about looks. It’s about life. If he’s so bored with the real world that he can’t stop checking his email or the latest tweet for 30 seconds, why bother living?Vision Pro doesn’t improve his life. , which replaces life. Because it gives us more of exactly what we don’t need and that’s isolation. It’s high-tech social distancing. Maybe living in Alaska with Jamie would be nice. We are already distracted to death. We are already retreating from the real world into the fantasy world of the Internet, where Keith Olbermann thinks he is still alive.

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No wonder no one cares who’s president, what wars we’re fighting, or who’s coming to this country. We have bread and circuses, but we can’t even get them. Take photos of Bread and Circus. So most of the time you end up closing yourself off from reality all the time instead of looking at your phone. You won’t see criminals chasing you or crowds laughing at you. What’s worse, you’ll be lonelier than ever. It’s not a virtual reality, it’s a fake life. The world’s most expensive contraceptive pill. A digital universe that gives you instructions.