Finding Balance Between Happiness and Unhappiness

Many people spend their lives striving for happiness, or perhaps more accurately, trying to escape unhappiness, often resorting to both healthy strategies and unhealthy distractions.

Arthur Brooks, a behavioral scientist and happiness expert at Harvard Kennedy School in Cambridge, Massachusetts, recently discussed the intricate balance between happiness and unhappiness in a conversation.

He pointed out that joy and sorrow are processed in different hemispheres of the brain, and both are essential. “To live a good life, you need a lot of happiness, but you also need unhappiness—it signals that something needs your attention,” he explained. “If you had no negative emotions, you would be dead within a week. That’s just the truth.”

Dealing with negative emotions is particularly crucial for those who experience them intensely. Experts warn against unhealthy coping mechanisms like turning to alcohol, drugs, or technology as means of distraction.

Brooks highlights the behavior of scrolling through social media as a common escape, remarking that it’s often just a way to avoid confronting personal issues. “You’re just trying to get out of your head because you don’t have time to deal with what’s bothering you.”

One particularly problematic approach is what he labels “workaholism.” Many workaholics find themselves caught in a cycle of overworking to distance themselves from their personal challenges, thinking they can avoid their feelings by burying themselves in tasks.

“Most workaholics are trying to distract themselves from parts of their lives that cause them discomfort,” he added. While there may be times when bosses demand excessive work, Brooks believes it mostly stems from individuals pushing themselves to excel. “Most workaholics tend to be domineering in their own right.”

This workaholic tendency can unravel relationships with loved ones. “I’ve never had a functional relationship with a workaholic,” he stated candidly.

He urges those who feel their work habits are harming their relationships to take a step back and reflect: “Why am I really doing this?”

Brooks advises that addressing anxiety through healthier channels is key. Instead of fleeing from discomfort, he recommends well-established strategies like exercise or engaging in spiritual practices.

“There are two effective ways to manage anxiety: embrace your faith and spirituality, and engage in physical activity,” he offers. “Exercise and mental stimulation are vital for your mental health, which, in turn, nourishes your relationships.”