Belle Baden, born into affluence, faced life’s unpredictability after a messy divorce tied to her husband’s infidelity. In her memoir, “Strangers: A Marriage Memoir,” she reflects on the prenup recommended by her lawyer and the threats from her ex regarding child support following her relinquishing custody of their children. Baden’s journey, filled with highs and lows, chronicles her efforts to adapt to her new reality.
The daughter of Carter Burden, a wealthy Vanderbilt heir and founder of a broadcasting company, and Amanda Burden, an urban planner connected to socialite Babe Paley, Baden had significant wealth before meeting her husband, Henry Davis. However, Davis, whom she refers to in the book as “James,” came from a different background. He was a lawyer like Baden, yet his family faced financial hardships after his father lost his job in the 1970s due to health issues. With mounting expenses and subsequent parental divorce, he found himself struggling during law school.
Though Baden didn’t get the full story initially, a looming sense of his family’s tribulations affected her perspective on their relationship.
“He spoke about wanting to be a devoted husband and father,” she notes. “He envisioned a life of integrity.” Just three months after their first kiss, he proposed. During their engagement, they decided to share apartment expenses. Baden’s mother later reminded her about completing the prenuptial agreement they had agreed upon as young adults.
“All my assets were protected in trust, regardless of a prenup, but I was committed to signing one,” she shares. The draft proposed that each would keep their pre-marriage assets and split earnings acquired during their marriage in case of divorce. James seemed unsettled by that, which made Baden feel like an outsider, guilty for pushing him to sign.
Close to their wedding, under significant pressure, James suggested altering the prenup so that their earnings during marriage wouldn’t be divided, which Baden eventually agreed to despite her lawyer’s warnings. Keeping this change from her family out of fear of their interference became her silent struggle.
In 2001, the couple purchased a larger Manhattan apartment. Baden, in a generous move, tapped into one of her trusts to finance it, naming James as a co-owner. A vacation home in Martha’s Vineyard followed, with Baden again positioning him as a co-owner despite her full financial contribution.
Their family expanded with the births of three children between 2002 and 2007. Baden found joy in James’s involvement during pregnancies; however, as her career progressed, she felt the balance of their roles shifting. “We implicitly agreed: he worked while I raised the kids.” Occasional anger surfaced when things got overwhelming, but overall, she appreciated his dedication.
Over time, she took on pro bono immigration cases but hesitated to return to paid work. A job opportunity arose in 2012, but James dismissed it outright, compelling her to prioritize his career. Initially upset, Baden soon settled into this reality, doubting her own career’s importance in the household.
As years went by, they considered revisiting their prenup, which felt unbalanced, especially given her sacrifices for the family. Discussions began in July 2019, yet right before their lawyer meeting, James suggested they focus on their will instead. It was shortly after this that she discovered his infidelity.
During the early COVID-19 lockdowns in 2020, Baden received a voicemail from a man claiming his wife was involved with James. Upon confronting him, James admitted to everything and expressed his desire for a divorce, leaving abruptly without saying goodbye to their children.
In an unsettling phone call, he communicated a stark disconnection from family life, offering her custody and possessions without hesitation. Despite maintaining support for living expenses, James was uninterested in formal custody arrangements.
It wasn’t until the divorce proceedings began that Baden understood the full extent of his wealth, and how her revised prenup had severely disadvantaged her. “James could easily walk away with both properties, his assets undisturbed by my presence,” she reflected.
With her lawyer preparing a counterclaim, she felt a deep conflict: part of her believed in trusting James to be fair, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that he was negotiating from a position of power. Six months later, a judge dismissed her counterclaim, further complicating negotiations over child support and property.
James was certain about minimum child support, framing it as a consequence of their situation. Soon after, her lawyer hinted that she could consider buying out James’s share of their homes, which was financially impossible. That realization deepened her despair, contemplating the loss of her children’s longtime home.
Baden grew increasingly frustrated with James’s apparent disregard for her contributions and their family unit. However, ahead of the looming trial, they reached a settlement, with Baden needing to maintain a calm and respectful demeanor to negotiate successfully.
In the end, he relinquished his interests in their properties and agreed to cover child support, but it was clear he retained all earnings from their marriage.
“I don’t know his motivations for settling, but it felt like a culmination of forcing me to a particular low,” Baden confessed. Signing the agreement, she attempted to release her anxieties over the whole situation. Nowadays, while she tries to move past the financial complexities, thoughts of post-divorce fears linger.
“Perhaps there was an unseen clock ticking all along,” she pondered, revealing how his actions deeply affected her sense of security and worth following their split. “He quickly made it apparent that my decades of contributions meant nothing to him.”
