Former Hillsong New York pastor Carl Lentz recently spoke about his own infidelity and recovery on a podcast with sex addiction therapist Alex Katehakis. Lentz and his wife, Laura, co-host the “Right On” podcast and call Katzakis “See my therapist.“
“We’ve done a lot of difficult, soul-searching work,” he told Katehakis. “It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
Lentz was fired by Hillsong New York in November 2020 after admitting to having an extramarital affair.
During the podcast, Lentz revealed that he was sexually abused as a child and told Katahakis that Christian men “don’t get much sex education” and often try to act out what they see in porn.
Par Church Leaders We also discussed cycles of sex addiction, shame and despair, and how to raise children with healthy sexuality.
“It’s not a matter of if you’ll get caught, but when you’ll get caught,” Lentz said of keeping secrets, including affairs, adding that it’s a “dilemma” for pastors because they could lose their jobs if they disclose their struggles or ask for help.
The former pastor also stressed the importance of churches discussing sex within marriage.
“The church is very good at teaching people not to have sex until marriage, and then they leave it at that,” he says, “and then they don’t talk about how to have sex after marriage. So you have Christian communities that are full of couples who have been having terrible sex for a long time because no one talks about it.”
Laura Lentz spoke with Catechis about recovering from infidelity after she found out her husband had been having an affair with the family’s nanny.
The therapist said that women typically “turn a blind eye for the greater good of the family and end up gaslighting themselves.”
When Laura Lentz asked whether trust between a couple can be rebuilt after an affair, Katehakis said it’s an “ongoing negotiation” and an “important ongoing conversation.”
Other topics discussed on the podcast included dealing with triggers, taking responsibility for one’s own healing, and fighting to save one’s marriage.
The podcast episode concluded with a discussion of narcissistic tendencies in people in leadership roles.
“People encourage you to be larger than life,” Katehakis says, “and it’s hard to not succumb to that energy and start forgetting who you really are, which is knowing that you’re just human.”
WATCH: Meet My Therapist | Carl & Laura Lenz Tell All
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