It’s commendable when someone adjusts their behavior for another’s mental health needs. But what if that adjustment begins to affect your well-being?
In this scenario, a woman found herself in a tricky position with her friend’s girlfriend, who has OCD. The girlfriend started to act as if she were a health risk in public settings.
She issued warnings to others to steer clear, ultimately stating that she wouldn’t attend gatherings if this woman was present.
This remark understandably upset both her friend and the girlfriend.
Here’s the full context:
I’ll keep this brief: I’m 20 and have a close-knit group of friends from school. We can’t meet as often these days due to the whirlwind of adult life, but we still try to gather roughly every couple of months.
There are six of us, including Mark, who’s 22 and recently started dating Sarah, who’s 21.
Sarah struggles significantly with OCD, having numerous strict rules about what she can tolerate, but that wasn’t initially a concern for us.
Most of us in the group have our own neurodivergent traits or conditions, so we adjusted our meet-ups according to her needs since she was usually polite and considerate.
However, things took a turn.
For months, everything went smoothly until one of our friends casually inquired about my dermatitis. I suffer from contact dermatitis, which, while not contagious, flares up frequently.
Upon hearing this, Sarah labeled me a ‘contaminated person.’
From that point on, she treated me as if I were toxic, refusing to touch anything I’d touched and avoiding sitting near me. Initially, I tried to brush it off, understanding her condition.
But then it escalated.
Sarah began doing the same with others, warning them not to sit near me. Once, at a restaurant, she even told a waiter to be cautious when handing me something, as he might ‘contaminate’ himself.
At this point, the discomfort among our friend group became palpable. One of our friends confronted her and Mark, stating that while she could act how she wished, it was inappropriate to behave that way in public.
Here’s where I might have crossed a line:
We were planning our next outing, and I mentioned that if Sarah was coming, I wouldn’t attend. I felt I shouldn’t be made to feel like a monster over something harmless and beyond my control.
This didn’t sit well with Sarah’s boyfriend.
Given that the group was already uneasy, we agreed that while Mark was welcome, Sarah should not attend until she could address her extreme reactions.
He wasn’t available online at the moment, so I sent him a private message explaining that Sarah was making several of us uncomfortable, and we’d prefer if she didn’t join until she could at least refrain from warning people about me.
I acknowledged that he might not want to come without her, since she is his girlfriend.
A few hours later, he responded angrily, labeling me an ‘ableist,’ claiming Sarah had seen my messages and was devastated, then he blocked all of us after realizing the group supported my stance.
So, am I the bad guy here?
Clearly, they are all struggling to handle this situation well.
What was the reaction from Reddit?
Some readers expressed their thoughts.
One commenter reflected on the situation, indicating that while understanding is essential, nobody should feel compelled to tolerate disrespect or humiliation, regardless of the mental health issues involved.
Another reader recounted their personal struggles with OCD, emphasizing that the right kind of boundary-setting could support everyone involved, rather than enabling harmful behaviors.
It seems vital for everyone to engage in open and mature conversations or, regrettably, to drift apart if things can’t improve.
