Dear Abby: I am a slender, middle-aged woman from a family of women who have always struggled with my weight. For as long as I can remember, I have experienced severe harassment and microaggressions regarding my weight.
My siblings always kept a close eye on my waistline for any clues I might get. They also bullied and excluded me, and I had long suspected that the reason was related to my weight. My weight fluctuates about 10 pounds depending on lifestyle and season.
When my traveling family comes to visit, they always say, “You've lost weight!” I'm so jealous! Or if I've gained a few pounds, say, “You look so healthy!” None of the other women in my family are subject to these unwelcome comments, but I feel objectified and embarrassed by all of this.
I am more than my body. I am a kind and caring person who wants to be accepted and respected by my loving family despite the annoying comments. How can I get them to stop seeing me as a body and see me as a caring human being? I wish they would stop making those comments. — Thin in California
DEAR THIN: It may be time to approach these relatives head-on and say something like:
“For years I've watched you struggle with your weight and have no success. To be honest, I've felt guilty about being thin. I probably have more metabolic problems than most. I was born with a high weight, and it's not my fault.I've never commented on your weight in all this time, so please stop commenting on me in the future. I think it's embarrassing for all of us.”
** ** **
Dear Abby: My husband hates my special needs sister. He allowed her to come on short vacations, but said she was terrible, a nuisance, and a bad influence on the children. She doesn't curse or do anything inappropriate. Although she is lazy and obese, the children love her and ask her to come. He also screams at me when she calls, which he sometimes does because I am her legal guardian and control her finances. He wants me to stop it and hand her over to the state for good.
I love my sister, but he hates her, doesn't want her to come visit him once a year for a few days, doesn't care about her feelings, doesn't listen to her. It breaks my heart to accuse me of this.
He is under a lot of stress and hates having her near him. Do I have to cut ties with my sister to make him happy? — Divided in New Jersey
Dear Prud: It sounds like you married a man who is selfish, unsupportive, controlling, and lacks empathy for people with disabilities. I hope you don't give in to his demands and abandon your sister who needs you. He has no right to criticize you for fulfilling your family duties. If he can't stand her visits, maybe he You should take a short vacation for a few days while she is with you. Draw the line and claim it before he swallows you whole.
** ** **
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
How can I stop my family from commenting on my weight?
Dear Abby: I am a slender, middle-aged woman from a family of women who have always struggled with my weight. For as long as I can remember, I have experienced severe harassment and microaggressions regarding my weight.
My siblings always kept a close eye on my waistline for any clues I might get. They also bullied and excluded me, and I had long suspected that the reason was related to my weight. My weight fluctuates about 10 pounds depending on lifestyle and season.
When my traveling family comes to visit, they always say, “You've lost weight!” I'm so jealous! Or if I've gained a few pounds, say, “You look so healthy!” None of the other women in my family are subject to these unwelcome comments, but I feel objectified and embarrassed by all of this.
I am more than my body. I am a kind and caring person who wants to be accepted and respected by my loving family despite the annoying comments. How can I get them to stop seeing me as a body and see me as a caring human being? I wish they would stop making those comments. — Thin in California
DEAR THIN: It may be time to approach these relatives head-on and say something like:
“For years I've watched you struggle with your weight and have no success. To be honest, I've felt guilty about being thin. I probably have more metabolic problems than most. I was born with a high weight, and it's not my fault.I've never commented on your weight in all this time, so please stop commenting on me in the future. I think it's embarrassing for all of us.”
** ** **
Dear Abby: My husband hates my special needs sister. He allowed her to come on short vacations, but said she was terrible, a nuisance, and a bad influence on the children. She doesn't curse or do anything inappropriate. Although she is lazy and obese, the children love her and ask her to come. He also screams at me when she calls, which he sometimes does because I am her legal guardian and control her finances. He wants me to stop it and hand her over to the state for good.
I love my sister, but he hates her, doesn't want her to come visit him once a year for a few days, doesn't care about her feelings, doesn't listen to her. It breaks my heart to accuse me of this.
He is under a lot of stress and hates having her near him. Do I have to cut ties with my sister to make him happy? — Divided in New Jersey
Dear Prud: It sounds like you married a man who is selfish, unsupportive, controlling, and lacks empathy for people with disabilities. I hope you don't give in to his demands and abandon your sister who needs you. He has no right to criticize you for fulfilling your family duties. If he can't stand her visits, maybe he You should take a short vacation for a few days while she is with you. Draw the line and claim it before he swallows you whole.
** ** **
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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