Dear Abby: I am a gay man who lost his partner 5 years ago. My neighbor is a single father with a 12 year old son. When we first met he told me he used to have a live-in partner. He is open about his personal life (he was married to a woman before living with his son’s mother).
He does some small work at my house and I’ve had him and his son out to dinner. He messages me about 3 times a week and says he plans to ask me out to dinner soon. He’s nice to me. I think he might be interested in me but I don’t want to be presumptuous.
If I’m misunderstanding the situation, I’m happy to be a friend and a good neighbor, but I would like to know if he wants a relationship. What do you think I should do? — I’m interested in Texas
Interested parties: I would recommend maintaining the status quo – remaining his friend and a good neighbor until he makes clear actions that show he wants more – that way you don’t make things worse.
Dear Abby: I have been friends with Brenda, a kind and caring woman, for 20 years. We have always shared life moments together, until recently. I thought of her children as my own. Her son got married (not a formal traditional wedding) but she didn’t have anyone in attendance except his parents, siblings and a few friends. Brenda has always been a part of my life, even when I didn’t want her to be, so I was hurt that I wasn’t there.
That son and his wife are now expecting a baby. Initially, Brenda told us to “save the date” for the couple’s baby shower. Then, his wife’s parents chose a venue that limited the number of guests, so none of Brenda’s friends were invited (they both come from large families, and the expectant parents invited lots of friends).
Brenda said she feels so bad that she plans to celebrate another time, or if someone can’t make it, go to the “B list”. I try to be understanding, but I feel so hurt and insulted that I don’t want to be involved in this anymore. I told her how I feel and we called it off.
I don’t want to end the friendship, but the bad feelings remain. I can’t imagine celebrating anything without her and I’m so disappointed that she won’t fight for me. Brenda doesn’t want to rock the boat with my “new” in-laws or kids. As a “B-list” person, I don’t want to give gifts or attend upcoming events. How do I get past this disrespect and not resent her or the kids? — Pain in New Jersey
Dear SORE: Here’s how: Understand the hierarchy in that family: The mother and her parents are in charge. Not a Blendershe must be so embarrassed by what is happening. Her close friends were shut out of the wedding and now this has happened. Please forgive Brenda, decline all invitations to give gifts to her daughter in law, get on with your life and stop making this all about you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
