Dear Abby: I was recently diagnosed with a type of blood cancer that gives me 2-8 years to live. My question is, how do I let people know? I’ve told a few close friends and asked them not to tell anyone else until I’ve sorted out some things. I’ve also told them that if people comment on my weight loss (I’ve lost about 20 pounds), they can let me know. I’m not sure if a mass email or text is a good way to let people know. Any suggestions appreciated. — Uncertain in Arizona
For those of you who are unsure: I’m sorry to receive the bad news. A cancer diagnosis comes with serious implications, even if it’s not overdue. I agree that sending a mass email is not the best way to break the news. If someone comments on your weight loss, explain the diagnosis. Don’t ask others to keep it a secret, as that will allow information to leak out bit by bit. Of course, you should tell your family and close friends first, so they don’t hear about it secondhand.
Dear Abby: After some research, I recently discovered that my husband of 28 years has been corresponding with another woman. This is the second time I’ve found out about this. He is adamant that nothing has progressed from this, but I can’t help but wonder how far it could have gone had I not found out.
Should I get a divorce and start over, or stay in this marriage not knowing if I can handle another betrayal? Our sons are in their 30s and we don’t have any grandchildren yet. Married to a cheating man
To all married people: I wish you’d been more specific about what your husband and these women were writing about. If it was sexual in nature, I understand your concern. Has he met either of them in person? If the answer is no, accusing him of betrayal may be a bit of an exaggeration. Instead of walking away, tell him you think it’s time for marriage counseling and get a doctor to write a referral for you both.
Dear Abby: I am 60 and retired. My adult children and grandchildren live in the same city as me. I would like to move somewhere less crowded, preferably in another state. I feel very guilty thinking about leaving my family, but at the same time, I don’t want to regret not finding my little place with peace and quiet. I was in the police force for 25 years and I really like solitude. Any advice would be appreciated. — Should I stay or should I go?
Dear Should I Stay Here: Please, put down the burden of guilt. After 25 years of caring for others, you have the right to do what you need to do for yourself. Explain to your adult children that after 25 years in an adrenaline-fueled profession (to say the least), they need some peace and solitude and stress relief. You are not disappearing from their lives forever. They can take their grandchildren and travel to see you, and you can visit them a few times a year.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
