Even 10 years ago, if you had told me I would be writing for a conservative publication like Align, I would have laughed. If you had told me that I was going to write about issues that matter to men, about what men are and what men need, I would have laughed out loud.
Until about eight years ago, I was a typical liberal gay man. Democrats, leftists, feminists. Please wait. Do not close your browser tab.
If you have a good mother, you will choose a good woman. If you have a mean mother, the woman you choose will be miserable.
I understand that impulse. People like me have contributed to the devastation of American culture for a long time. But as Irving Kristol said of himself, I was. hit by reality In the last 8 years. I came out as a conservative, a traditionalist, on the other side.
For decades, our culture has been trying to turn men into women and women into men. Therefore, some people may not want to hear arguments in favor of psychotherapy for men.
deliberate handicap
But what we call “therapy” in 2024 will be actively anti-therapy. What we call “therapy” today is more like brainwashing and deliberate handicapping, rather than challenging and supporting patients to become more whole and independent.
Too many practitioners impose left-wing social justice ideology on their patients instead of teaching clarity and independence. Despite your best efforts, most of this time is just expensive time with a complainer, someone who coddles you and responds by telling you that you're perfect just the way you are.
At worst, especially if you're a man, you're told that “male privilege” is what's making you miserable, and that you could be a better person if you were more feminine.
But it is genuine It is a treatment that can and does help people who need it. If we can help, we would like to give you the best chance to find it.
Mom or “Dear Mom”?
Who needs treatment?Some people may like me, some may like you. I grew up in a household led by my mother. Borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. Although it may be tempting to dismiss these terms as “spiritual talk,” I urge you to take them seriously.
They are very real, and people with them are the most psychotic and often abusive types you will ever encounter. This isn't a perfect metaphor for my childhood, but if you've read this book or seen the movie Dear Mammy, you'll know what my childhood life (minus the money and fame) was like. You will be able to understand the main points of
Raised this way, we are born extremely damaged. We have trouble having normal emotions, we tend to hate ourselves and make terrible life choices even if we're not consciously aware of it. I became an alcoholic in my teens and didn't stop drinking until my mid-40s (now 50). Many people have walked a similar path, but many have gone through much worse situations.
If you are a man who had an abusive mother, the effects are severe. Mother is the most important person in a child's life. Her care and love cannot be replaced.
When she becomes deranged or abusive, your entire view of yourself, other men, and women becomes distorted. It doesn't matter if you are straight or homosexual. All men eventually “marry” their mothers. Gay men do it through very close platonic female friendships, while straight men fall in love with or marry versions of their mothers.
If you have a good mother, you will choose a good woman. If you have a mean mother, the woman you choose will be miserable.
Learn what “normal” is
This is the purpose of real psychotherapy. Most patterns of addiction and self-destructive behavior are rooted in a lack of a stable and healthy childhood home. We are all responsible for the choices we make as adults, and we are the only ones in control of our lives. But those of us who grew up in homes with extreme abuse and neglect have to make a special effort later in life to learn what “normal” is.
It is true that therapy is not the answer to everything, and what we call therapy today is, so to speak, “overprescribed.” However, as a result, there are many people, including men, who could benefit from proper psychotherapy but have avoided the concept out of fear because the field as a whole has become feminist. That's what it means.
How do I find a “real” therapist? I can't give you a formula that will guarantee success. Picking is slim. But I've been in real psychotherapy for 6 years with an old-fashioned serious guy, and it's really helped. Appointments are less frequent than before. I'm not advocating sitting on the couch for decades.
Although I am not a mental health professional, I do provide consulting/coaching (or “counseling” if you prefer) to clients with personality disorders that are affecting their lives. I'm a well-read, knowledgeable, and experienced layperson, and I offer that to those who book time with me.
how to find a good therapist
One of the most common questions from my clients is how to find a good therapist and avoid woke therapists. What I suggest is:
- Choose a therapist who is as old as possible. When they woke up, they were at school before the field collapsed. My therapist is 70 years old.
- If you're a man, seek out a male therapist, especially if you have “mother scars.” To overcome them, it is important to connect with other sane and healthy men. Female therapists can be very good, but men who have been hurt by their mothers run the risk of meshing with them in ways that are unhelpful.
- Avoid therapists who promote or mention LGBTQ+ people. That is too often a sign of left-wing ideologues. Additionally, a truly competent therapist can help clients of any demographic category.
- Treat the first session as an interview. If you have any concerns, raise them clearly and in plain language. For example: “I don't believe in gender ideology. We need to make sure we fit properly. What is your position on LBGTQ+?” If you don't like the answer, then Please proceed.
Treatment is not a cure-all. There's a lot of wisdom in the idea that being active with other men in the real world can do wonders for emotionally damaged men.
I had just purchased my first shotgun and it was my first of many trips to the range. This is my way of bringing the masculine balance that was missing in my life. Plus, I live in the country, there are bears, and I don't rely on the police to save my skin.
If you're reading this, you might be trying some real therapy to help you find your balance.
