When it comes to hot-button issues, few bring more intensity than abortion. I used to be pro-choice, so I can respect and appreciate the ideal that bodily autonomy is sacred. Although I am now against Rife, I understand how necessary the ideal of physical integrity is to enable physical independence. What should pro-lifers do to maintain their integrity and social status when the two viewpoints conflict? Here, pro-lifers are not only accepted in ideologically mixed companies; Here are five suggestions to help you get recognized.
1. Don’t associate every tragedy, event, or topic with abortion.
While there are certainly notable similarities and differences between abortion and other human rights violations, comparing the sufferings does not help the victims of either. The fight will be whether this is worse than that, when the focus should be on the victims and the rights they need to secure. I promise, there are times when comparisons are appropriate, for example in formal debates. Resist the temptation to mention abortion in relation to all other issues. Instead, look for common ground with others on other issues. Once you build a relationship, you can have deeper and more meaningful conversations about abortion.
2. Seek understanding more than winning.
To be honest, winning is fun. For some people, competition is their vibe. But for those we think we are fighting against, victory does not always please us. When having a conversation about abortion, it’s impossible to help others understand your point of view if you don’t first try to understand their point of view. As a woman who deeply regrets having an abortion, one of the words I find most frustrating and frankly disgusting is when it comes to women who have had or are seeking an abortion. The entire story is crafted like the plot of a bad after-school special about who these women are and why they consider abortion. Stay curious and stay respectful. Please ask clarifying questions. Instead of making assumptions, learn about the bigger picture of how abortion affects people. Before skepticism or cynicism creeps into the atmosphere and you tidy up your room like Marie Kondo taking out the trash, express your compassion.
3. Agree to Disagree
Most people have had the experience of dealing with a friend or relative who absolutely had to get their way. All conversations are about what they want to talk about and how they want to talk about it. All outings are planned so that they never disappoint. It’s very tiring. It’s equally exhausting to have conversations with supporters who can’t understand why someone disagrees with their opinion. I hate abortion and am tired of pro-abortion advocates refusing to acknowledge the sound arguments and thoughtful opinions of their opponents. Simply complimenting your supporters on the eloquence, passion, and harmony of their arguments can go a long way toward lightening the mood, easing tensions, and building trust. Disagreements can be fun if both parties can recognize the humanity in each other.
4. Resist the urge to exploit logical fallacies and manipulations
Whether it’s humanitarian attacks, gaslighting, projection, or emotional appeals, I’ve seen and experienced all sorts of fallacies when talking to pro-lifers. . Nothing reveals a person’s harmful intentions more than the words, “It’s just you,” followed by a series of accusations that have no basis or evidence of truth. The person you’re talking to may not be a member of a bloodthirsty death cult. He’s a Rod Ferrell imitator. In that case, he sharpens the stake and allows you to eat all the garlic. Avoid insults, slander, and manipulative tactics towards the narcissist in your life who thrives on attention.
5. Develop diverse interests and friends
The pro-lifers I associate with are a very unique blend of individuals from across the political spectrum (yes, pro-life progressives exist) and various religious belief systems. What’s even more interesting is that the pro-choice people with me are just as diverse. I have a reputation in pro-life circles as a “pro-choice whisperer.” Quite regularly, my pro-life friends ask me how I managed to have such fun conversations with stance supporters, and why I was asked to do a podcast with them (Stephanie Wynn are forever grateful). The podcast that started this great trend is You Must Be Some Kind of Therapist). The secret to my civility is my dedication to finding some common ground with the person I’m speaking to, and my belief that if they have a point of view on the topic of abortion, I might share theirs. Be willing to admit that. As you know, many pro-choice advocates make logical and coherent arguments once you understand their value systems and perspectives. When we watch silly cat videos and laugh together, we let down our defenses and hear each other better.
You’re playing the long game. I want a stronger and healthier relationship. Changing opinions doesn’t happen overnight, and it won’t happen if you care more about what you agree with than about the person you’re talking to. So start by establishing some common ground (whether it’s a geeky interest in D&D or a weird obsession with true crime, not that I know anything about these things) , then try to see the discussion from their perspective. Once you build a relationship, you can have deeper and more meaningful conversations about abortion.
Robin Atkins is a licensed mental health counselor specializing in reproductive issues such as infertility, infant loss, and post-abortion trauma. She opened her private clinic Charis et Veritas in 2015.
