Dear Abby: Struggling with Loss and Finances

Dear Abby: I’m finding it really hard to cope with the loss of my fiancé, who took his own life about ten months ago. I recognize that some responsibility for his death lies with him. I didn’t buy the drugs that would ultimately harm him, but his behavior really upset me, and I ended up leaving the home we shared.

Now, I just can’t seem to accept that he’s gone. I feel like it’s my fault for leaving. I’ve been going to counseling, but honestly, I’m not seeing the progress I wanted. Do you have any advice for me or for anyone else who’s been through something similar? Florida Spiral

Dear Spiral: I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing someone to suicide can leave survivors reeling and traumatized. You didn’t mention if your fiancé was dealing with depression, job issues, or any kind of illness that might have influenced his actions. If he was abusive, leaving the situation wasn’t wrong. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it.

I encourage you to continue seeking counseling. Many survivors find that talking to a licensed psychologist helps. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has resources and support organizations for those grieving suicide loss, which can be accessed at afsp.org. Please reach out for help.

Dear Abby: I’ve been dating “Gabe” for seven years. We’ve purchased a house together and are also raising his three grandchildren. I share the financial burden, contributing to half of the mortgage, utilities, food, and other daily expenses. We’re both responsible for our own insurance and loans.

Here’s the thing: it feels skewed because I’m the only adult contributing to the household expenses for the four of them. They often use more utilities and food, and I’m the one reminding the boys to turn off lights and shut the doors, especially in Arizona where the summer electricity bill can be steep.

Gabe earns more than I do, so I brought it up. I think he should contribute a bit more. Yet, each month when I submit my share, he meticulously checks what I owe. It’s becoming exhausting, and I feel overwhelmed financially. I need your advice. — Pay More Than Enough

To those in similar financial scenarios: Gabe’s higher income should have been a consideration before you moved in together. It might be beneficial to seek financial counseling to help articulate what an equitable arrangement looks like. Ongoing financial disagreements can strain your relationship, so couples counseling could be a great way to work out a fair plan for everyone involved.