Dear Abby:
My husband and I, both men, have been together since 2007. I moved to Arizona in 2010, and most of my family lives in the Midwest. We try to visit them as often as possible, at least every other year. However, our son-in-law has been unwilling to let us stay at their house during our visits. He claims he doesn’t want to explain to his daughters, aged 6 and 8, why we share a bed.
This has made us uncomfortable, so we told our daughter that perhaps we should skip this year’s visit. She offered to get us a hotel, which we turned down, saying we could stay with friends instead. Then she asked if I could come over and play with the granddaughters, but we declined that, too.
Are we making the right choice here? It feels to us like our son-in-law is using the kids as a cover for his own homophobic feelings toward us. — Not welcome in the West
Not welcome:
I’m not sure it’s beneficial to punish your daughter and granddaughters because their father is uncomfortable with your orientation. Why not invite your daughter to bring the kids over to play? Building strong connections with them could be rewarding. If you manage that, your son-in-law may find himself on the outskirts.
Dear Abby:
I used to have a pretty poor self-image for a long time. I’ve struggled with obesity for most of my 70 years and am now just 20 pounds away from my ideal weight. My dilemma is that I’ve met someone I genuinely like and could see a future with. But she’s also obese, which makes me concerned. How do I express my wish for her to lose 30 to 50 pounds without making her uncomfortable? — Finally slim down in Florida
Dear, finally slim down:
Going straight up to someone and saying you want them to lose weight is a tricky move—like crossing a fence you shouldn’t touch. However, as you get to know her better, you could promote a healthier lifestyle by setting a good example. She may come to recognize the benefits on her own.
Dear Abby:
About six months ago, I began organizing group dinners for the wives of my husband’s poker buddies. Initially, things went well. But the new wife in the group insisted we hold hands and pray in the restaurant, which really isn’t my style, nor is it for anyone else. We feel trapped by her demands, and I tend to keep my spiritual practices private. How can I approach her about this? — Unpleasant in the West
For those who are uncomfortable:
You’re welcome to seek help on this. It’s best to handle it privately. You might tell the women that not everyone is comfortable displaying their faith publicly and that some prefer to keep it private. If needed, you could remind them that silent prayers can be just as meaningful as vocal ones.
