Dear Abby: My father and stepmother own villas in separate states, and they invite us to visit every year.
The issue is, the sofa bed in their guest room is incredibly uncomfortable, making it nearly impossible to get any sleep.
They seem convinced that the bed is fine because previous guests have said so. But, honestly, I find it hard to believe. Maybe those guests were just being polite.
Since we need to fly to reach their holiday home, we can’t just pop in for a day. My family is hesitant to go, given that it’s exhausting to spend days there without decent sleep.
Still, I feel like it might be rude to come right out and tell them about the bed situation. It’s tough to find a good excuse for not visiting. I could really use some advice here. – Restless daughter in New York
Dear Daughter: Honestly, just be straight with your father and stepmother!
Regardless of what others have said, the bed doesn’t work for you. That’s not impolite.
If they can afford a villa, they can surely spring for a new mattress, or you might consider sharing the costs.
Dear Abby: My parents have multiple kids, grandkids, and even great-grandchildren. With such a large family, we often find ourselves celebrating holidays separately, which has led to distancing from the younger generations.
Some relatives still extend invites, expecting gifts for things like baby showers, but we don’t really have a connection with them.
Sure, we acknowledge that we’re “family,” but it feels like that’s lost over generations. At gatherings, these relatives hardly communicate with us.
Is it acceptable to set some boundaries here? I plan to give gifts at events I attend, but should I still show up or send gifts? – Silence in the Midwest
Dear Silence: If you receive an invitation from someone you don’t know well, you aren’t obliged to attend or send gifts.
If you feel like being generous, maybe just send a nice card with a kind note.
Dear Abby: I meet for lunch and cards with three friends once a month. We have a lot of fun, but it’s somewhat bittersweet for me.
I know these three get together more frequently without me, and they seem to hide that fact from me.
I’m contemplating whether I should just stop going to these lunches since it hurts to feel excluded. Should I try to overlook it? – Excluded in Indiana
Dear Excluded: For some reason, those friends might feel a stronger bond with each other than with you, and they may be trying to spare your feelings by keeping their meetups secret.
Do you have any other friends outside this group? If not, it might be time to seek new activities to meet new people.
In the meantime, try to enjoy those lunches while you work on expanding your social circle.
