Dear Abby:
My wife and I are approaching our 40th wedding anniversary, and friends and family have started bringing up the next significant milestone. While I nod along, I can’t help but feel indifferent. The thing is, my wife has a history of infidelity. It’s a truth I’ve kept hidden from everyone, particularly our children.
She’s always been an amazing mother, and I would never want to hurt the bond they share with her. Honestly, my kids play a big role in why I’ve stayed in this marriage. Despite her betrayals, she has been a good partner, and I still care for her deeply.
During my affair, I struggled with depression, burying myself in work and often crying alone. Our children are now adults, and we have lovely grandchildren. We both retired a few years back, and that’s when the weight of our past choices hit me hard. Without the distractions of work, I began to reflect more on our life together.
Since her menopause 15 years ago, our marriage has lost its sexual intimacy. I’ve been faithful, but I long for a deeper connection. In the past, I had female friends interested in more than friendship. Is it wrong for me to reach out to one of them and seek a change? I don’t want to leave my wife, but I feel like I need something else. — 40 years of fools
Dear “Fools”:
Have you actually had a conversation with your wife about this? Many women after menopause still find enjoyment in intimacy. This isn’t an impossible issue and is something she really should have talked about with her gynecologist long ago. If she isn’t open to it, you should feel free to express your need for intimacy and the desire for the same consideration you offered her over the last 40 years of her infidelity. Her reaction will be quite revealing.
Dear Abby:
On days when I tell myself I won’t have dessert, I end up wanting it even more. Dessert is typically an option for me on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Can you help me with this struggle on the no-dessert days? — looking for it in Washington
For those who crave sweets:
I completely get that feeling of needing something sweet to wrap up a meal.
Years ago, a psychologist friend shared her method for curbing sweet cravings. She used to carry a bag of gingersnap cookies in her purse whenever she dined out. After her meal, she’d have half a cookie, satisfying her sweet tooth without derailing her diet. You might want to give this a shot. If it doesn’t work for you, perhaps consider fresh fruit as an alternative to cookies.
