Dear Abby: My friend “Gene” and I have been friends since grade school. We are now in our 50s. We were inseparable best friends. Around the age of 30, I began to realize that our friendship was becoming one-sided as he made no effort to reach out to me.
Gene was gracious and welcoming when I called him, but he never called me back. Instead, he focused on friends who could help him at work and distanced himself from old friends like me. About 20 years ago, I stopped calling him and decided to associate with other friends who were more friendly and polite.
I could count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen or spoken to Jean in the past decade, but today I received a graduation invitation from her son who wanted to give him a cash gift to celebrate his high school graduation. Abby, your son wouldn’t even recognize me if I tapped him on the shoulder. To say I was stunned is an understatement.
I don’t feel obligated to send money to someone I don’t know, and even less so considering Jean threw away our decades of friendship years ago. How can I handle this without being rude or harsh? — Shocked in the Bluegrass State
For those of you who are shocked: The polite response would be to send the young person a congratulatory card and offer good luck.
Dear Abby: I just said goodbye to my third beloved pet. As time has passed, I have gotten better, but each time a pet dies, it is heartbreaking and I feel deep sadness. When my mother died a few years ago, I was with her at that moment of calm. I felt sadness, but not as much as I did with my pets.
My father is nearing death, but I am not feeling any sadness. I have had a loving relationship with my parents, but not like some of my friends who describe them as their emotional support and best friends.
I am afraid that there is something missing in my heart. I should feel a greater sense of loss for humans than for pets. Please help me understand this. I don’t feel good. — How to cope with grief in Florida
To you who are grieving: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your pet, and stop blaming yourself for your feelings (or lack of them). Everyone grieves differently. Maybe you were able to accept your mother’s death because you no longer had access to her on the same emotional level that your friends had with their parents. The same may be true for your father.
On the other hand, pets provide daily emotional support. Pets can sometimes become like children, and losing a “child” can be more painful than losing a parent.
Dear Abby: A very dear relative of mine has just announced her engagement. It will be her third marriage. Do I need to buy a gift? — No Hope in Nebraska
Dear Hope: If you attend the celebration, you should not go empty-handed – some kind of gift is necessary, but if you have spent a lot of money on the first two weddings of your relatives, then the third gift should be something small that the bride and groom will be happy with.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and launched by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at http://www.DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
