DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, a friend approached me for some financial help. Her husband was out of the country trying to sort out his visa so he could return to work. They have children, and during his absence, her car got repossessed, which left her stranded and unable to get to her job. I lent her $3,000 to retrieve her vehicle and, later on, another $1,200. I know now that was a mistake, but I was thinking about her kids at the time.
Eventually, her husband returned, and both of them are employed now. I’ve reached out several times regarding the money she owes me, but my messages go unanswered. They even had enough funds to take a trip to Florida with the kids. I’m struggling to move past the disappointment. Should I just let it go? — REGRETFUL LENDER
DEAR LENDER: You should have considered it a lost cause the moment you gave her the money. When a friend asks for financial aid, it’s seldom treated as a loan. It’s wise to view it as a gift, and if they pay you back, consider it a pleasant surprise. Despite how inconsiderate she’s been, it’s likely she values your support during that tough time. You did a good thing, and it’s unfortunate that silence is your reward.
DEAR ABBY: Last year, I lost my brother to a brain aneurysm. We had a close bond, and I’m still grappling with the loss. His birthday was this month, and I took time to honor him. However, some family members have hinted that I should be over this by now. Is it wrong for me to still be grieving? I didn’t know there was a deadline for mourning. — PROCESSING IT IN ALASKA
DEAR PROCESSING IT: Grief isn’t something you simply get over like a cold or a temporary illness. The pain of losing someone can linger as we learn to cope with that void. It doesn’t follow a schedule set by others. Some find solace in joining a support group for those dealing with grief. Maybe you should think about that.
DEAR ABBY: More than ten years ago, I was dumped by what I believed was the love of my life. He’s currently in the middle of a divorce. We’ve been talking off and on for the last four years, even though I’m in a stable relationship now. He has expressed his regrets about losing me, but I find it hard to be open about my own feelings. Once he’s officially divorced, I wonder if I should give him another chance. Are second chances a risk worth taking? — STAYING IN FRIEND ZONE
DEAR STAYING: Second chances can sometimes be worthwhile, but it really depends on the situation. If you’re currently in a good relationship with someone else, it’s puzzling why you’d even think about revisiting the past. It might be better to limit your contact with your ex altogether. He was not a good match for you before, and it’s likely he would just stir up complications now.
