I shouted at my sister-in-law after wetting my pants at a family event.

Dear Abby:

At a recent family gathering, my sister-in-law “Paula” asked my husband if she could use our bathroom. We have three at home: one near the kitchen, another on the second floor, and one in the bedroom. She requested to use the bathroom “for privacy,” even though both she and my husband were aware of my incontinence issues.

I had to rush upstairs to the restroom—it was quite urgent. To my surprise, I found her in my bathroom. We don’t allow our kids to use that toilet either. Since my husband couldn’t go in time, he ended up having an accident. I could have used the other bathrooms, but knowing they were open to guests, I thought my own bathroom would be free.

This made me really angry with Paula. I yelled at her, and she seemed genuinely remorseful when she realized what had happened. I mean, she knows about my bladder control problems but chose to overlook it. My husband overheard the yelling and got upset with me for raising my voice at his sister. What did I do wrong? He struggles to say no to his family, but he really needed to use the bathroom! What should I have done? — I have to go to New Jersey.

Dear, I have to go:

Incontinence can affect anyone, not just older women. It’s a widespread issue, with around 24% to 45% of women reporting urinary incontinence. It’s often described as “the problem no one wants to discuss,” and approximately 13 million people in the U.S. will be affected by this issue by 2024, according to the National Institutes of Health.

You shouldn’t have yelled at your sister-in-law for using that bathroom, but given your discomfort and embarrassment, it’s somewhat understandable. If you haven’t apologized, it might be a good idea to do so. Honestly, your husband should be the one upset with you. He may not fully grasp the urgency of the situation until he experiences it himself (many men seem to feel this way!).

Dear Abby:

Three years back, I published a letter from a grandmother who was frustrated about raising her grandchildren because their parents didn’t want to. That letter has stayed with me.

Long before this book came out, my husband and I took custody of our seven-year-old grandson, “Keith.” We were both retired and used to spend winters in Florida. We (happily) sacrificed our Florida trip to stay home and care for our grandchildren.

Keith had always spent a lot of time with us, but he was still sad that his parents “let him go.” To keep him occupied, we got involved in karate, Boy Scouts, 4-H, and school sports. It turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life. I learned plenty and even made new friends with other grandmothers in similar situations.

Keith graduated high school, secured a good job, bought a house, and has recently gotten married. It feels great! I hope “Like a Mama in South Carolina” (November 3, 2022) finds similar success. — A grateful grandma in New York