Dear Abby: As a lonely and confused teenager in the 1980s, I became obsessed with a disc jockey at a local radio station. I would call in at least once every night when he was on the air, and he was gracious enough to answer the phone and talk to me about anything and everything I wanted to say, as long as I was able to.
My parents hired him to DJ my Sweet Sixteen party, and even though there were less than 12 kids there, he was professional and polite from start to finish. The highlight of the party was when he started playing “16 Candles” and danced with me. I accompanied him to radio station events and was basically a nuisance. He was very kind, understanding, and patient.
Now in my mid-50s, I realize that I had undiagnosed mental and social issues from my childhood that were never discussed or addressed at the time, and I deeply regret my actions. That DJ is still in radio today. He has since married and had children, and although I was a little jealous when I heard about it, I have grown to be happy for him and his family. He has been so kind and patient with me during a strange time in my life and he still holds a special place in my heart.
I didn’t have a boyfriend in high school or college. I married the first guy who was seriously interested in me, but after seven years and two kids, he left me. I reached out to DJ through a letter, wanting to thank him for being there when I needed someone to talk to, for putting up with me for so long, and for understanding me when I didn’t understand myself.
I don’t want to interfere with his happy life, but I also don’t want to wait until his funeral to let him know how grateful I am and how much he meant to me. Should I write and send a letter? — DJ saved my life
To you who were saved: It’s amazing that your disc jockey made such a difference in your life when you desperately needed his support. He would be so happy to receive a thank you note from you so many years later. Please send him a letter.
Dear Abby: For the past three years, my neighbor has been having an affair. I feel that she should tell her husband, who is basically a good guy, if a little insensitive. I probably would, but I despise them both because they both own land and allow people to hunt on that land for pleasure (not for meat).
Should I act on what I know, or allow these two people with no respect for the animal kingdom to wallow in their own corruption? — Potential whistleblower
Dear Whistleblower: You’re comparing apples to oranges. If you feel you have to tell a husband about his wife’s infidelity because it’s morally unpleasant to you, then you’re free to do so. However, I think it’s going too far to ruin someone’s marriage because you don’t approve of the fact that they allow hunting on their land.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
