DEAR ABBY: I’m a man in my 40s, and I’ve gone through a rough breakup with a woman I met at work, even though we’re in different departments. Everyone is aware of our past, and it’s just really awkward now.
Whenever I pass by, I notice lots of smiles and chatter, but things go silent when I get closer to my co-workers’ desks. It’s like a switch flips. I still have strong feelings for her, and I can tell she feels the same way—it’s pretty clear from what she’s said and how she acts.
After she ended things, I was pretty upset and gave her the silent treatment, which I realize now has probably hurt her. Sure, I can be stubborn, but I genuinely miss her. She suggested being friends after the breakup, but I don’t think that’s possible for me. Deep down, I want to rekindle our relationship, but I recognize that those thoughts might just be unrealistic. Any advice you could give would be really appreciated. — AWKWARD AT WORK
DEAR AWKWARD: Have you noticed that it’s actually you who’s making things awkward, not your colleagues? By ignoring her, you’ve created discomfort for everyone else. You say you want to fix things, yet you haven’t made any effort to reach out. You doubt reconciliation is possible, but why is that? You won’t even engage with her!
Maybe you’re not just stubborn—perhaps you’re scared. You’re holding onto this behavior because you’re afraid of getting hurt again. If you can’t find the courage to talk to her about wanting another shot, you’re left with a couple of choices: either interact with her as a colleague and try to move past this, or consider looking for another job.
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DEAR ABBY: My father’s girlfriend, “Jane,” has been asking everyone she knows for money for her causes, and it’s mostly family. After her first request, I gave a small amount, not realizing there would be so many more requests to follow. I have a limited budget for donations and would rather choose where to allocate it.
Jane and my dad are quite sensitive about her being accepted by our family. They often interpret things in a way that feels exaggerated. My dad has made it clear that if my siblings and I don’t completely accept Jane, he won’t be part of our lives.
I admire his loyalty, but I know if I turn down the next request, things could go downhill. It feels like I’m being backed into a corner. How can I handle this? — HELD HOSTAGE IN VANCOUVER
DEAR HELD HOSTAGE: Have a private conversation with your father and let him know how much you care about him. Explain that your budget for donations isn’t limitless and that you have your own causes you want to support. Remind him that you’ve already contributed to Jane’s initiatives.
Ask him to talk to her about this—not as a rejection of her, but as a matter of financial responsibility. He needs to understand that if you keep feeling pressured to donate, it might affect your relationship with him, which is something you value.
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