Dear Abby: My ex-husband and I have a 3-year-old grandson through our son. Up until now, there hadn't been any major problems because she lives in the same city as her son's family, but things are starting to change. My grandchildren are the joy of my life, and after my son's transfer, I plan to visit them wherever they move. I was considering moving back to my hometown. Unbeknownst to me, my son was also considering going back there.
The problem for me is that my ex-husband still lives there and has a tendency to take custody of the child and try to be exclusive, just like he did with our son. He is still hostile towards me 20 years after our divorce.
Part of me thinks I need to be willing to put up with the pain of being close to my ex in order to be close to my grandchild. But it is a strong reminder that I stayed married to him for what I perceived to be the well-being of our children. In retrospect, that was of course misguided. Despite my concerns, is it better to put my doubts aside, return to my home city and see what happens? — What to decide
Dear Decision: Please discuss your reservation with your son and wife. Can you put the brakes on if your ex-husband tries to possess the child? On the plus side, you're not the same woman you were 20 years ago. I would like to think that you are stronger and wiser than you are now. If I'm right, your ex may be a pain in the ass, but it's a bearable pain and you'll have the access you want for your grandchildren.
Dear Abby: My mother-in-law has a habit that makes me sick to my stomach. When we go to dinner with her, she often asks, “Can I taste it?” Then, without waiting for a response, he sticks his fork or spoon into my food and takes a bite. I feel nauseous when I try to eat the rest. I don't know how to deal with this. She is very sensitive and gets angry easily. I always felt like she hated me and thought I wasn't good enough for my son.
I asked my husband to politely ask his mother to stop this behavior, but he refused because he didn't want to insult her. When I told him I had a stomach ache, he asked me if I had ever actually had a stomach ache from eating food that had touched the utensils she used, so I admitted that I didn't. I had no choice but to do it. So he said, “So where's the harm?” I'm still really curious. what can i do? — my food is mine
Dear Food is Mine: It doesn't matter if your mother-in-law thinks you're not good enough for her precious son. You better stand up for yourself, because tolerating her rudeness is not endearing to her. The next time she smiles and asks you to “taste it,” grab your plate, cut off a piece of her, and then give it to her.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
