Dear Abby: I am in a relationship with a man of considerable wealth. Although I am highly educated, I have never made a lot of money from my education. My money comes from a relationship with a man who passed away a year and a half ago.
I think I may love my current boyfriend, but he has never loved anyone from the middle class. We both have children from previous marriages. I also have grandchildren. Should we let nature take its course, or should we be more proactive in deepening our relationship? — tentatively in Pennsylvania
Dear Interim: While it may be tempting to be aggressive in your pursuit of “more,” take the slow route and get to know this “substantive” gentleman better.He may or may not be do not have I may be prejudiced against people from less fortunate backgrounds, but you won’t know until you take the time and see what happens.
Dear Abby: My daughter was 4 years old when we adopted her. She is currently 23 years old, she is attending college and plans to move into an apartment soon. She has been the center of our lives ever since her older children have grown up. We have supported her through everything, including child abandonment, separation from her boyfriend, and school. We went through cancer treatment with her. She acts like things are fine here.
About a year ago, she met a man who worked at the resort where we vacationed. They exchanged contact information and then the lies began. She told us that she was traveling “with the girls” when she went to another state on her plane. The man is coming to Japan on a student visa. He may not be able to stay. His plan B is definitely marriage.
We talked to her about the possibility, but when we did, she got angry and defensive. She digs up things from years ago to deflect and blame her. His family is fond of her and sends her gifts on every holiday. She just returned from another visit this week. She doesn’t talk about him. However, when she was putting something in her room, something that looked like her engagement ring was seen.
How should I feel when she’s hiding these secrets? We give her every opportunity to play soccer, dance, band, camping trips, and even tour with her band members. was sent to Europe. We will pay for her college tuition and all her needs. I’m hurt and I’ve only met him once for 5 minutes so I don’t know how this will turn out. — Embarrassed in South Carolina
Dear Confused Friends: Your daughter’s lying and unwillingness to be open about her plans is a character flaw. People who are proud of what they do don’t lie about it. It’s about time you and your spouse sit your daughter down and have a serious question-and-answer session with her and perhaps her boyfriend.
First of all, why the secret? If they are serious about each other (as the ring indicates), why haven’t they met his family? Is she going to finish her education? If so, does she expect you to continue paying for it? You deserve a straight answer, and I sincerely hope you get one. That information will give you a hint on how to proceed from here.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
